Losing Everything
by justwanttologin
Summary: An accident leaves many people lost after losing loved ones but Bella lost more than most.
1. Chapter 1

Sam's POV

I took my girlfriend Emily to her waitress job at the diner and I kiss her and told her I would see her this evening. It sucks she has to work all day Saturday but we need all the money we can get and save.

She's only 17 but I got her pregnant. I thought her dad was going to kill me but it was actually my mom that went crazy and kicked me out. Her parents helped us get a little apartment. They aren't happy about it but what's done is done they say.

As far as our friends most of them ditched us, her best friend Bella and my best friend Paul are really the only that have stuck by us. Too bad they hate each other, makes hanging out as a group difficult.

Bella has been in Arizona for the last 2 weeks and she has 3 weeks left before she comes back, she usually spends the summer with her mom, so Emily asked me to drop off a package for her. I walk into the post office and see Edward Cullen.

We all hate him. Except Bella, she's dating him and no one is really sure why. Paul thinks it's the money the family has but Bella doesn't really do flashy.

"Hello Sam." He tells me smiling and I say hi back hoping that's the end of it. "Has Emily been in touch with Bella? She is very difficult to get ahold of lately." He asks me and I tell him yes I think she talks to her every night.

Edward frowns and I think maybe Bella is finally coming to her senses. I know she's in love with her other best friends, friend. We all know it. Jacob has been her best friend since she was 3 or something else insanely tiny but it was a summer thing since she used to live with her mom. The summer she moved her she met his two best friends Embry and Quil. Her and Quil don't really get along because he's never serious and she's always serious. They are both ends of the extreme. Embry on the other hand is quiet and serious and in love with Bella, has been from the first day he met her.

She liked him too but then she caught up in Edward and his family, his twin brother and sister Jasper and Rosalie. Embry is too shy to tell her anything but I've seen them together and so has Edward. He makes it difficult for her to hang out with Jacob and Embry and even Emily.

"Well if you don't mind can you please ask Emily to have her call me?" He says and I tell him sure I will even though I have no intentions of mentioning this to Emily at all.

After I mail the package I head to work at the construction company I work for.

8 very long hours later I run home to clean up and then head off to pick up Emily.

Everything changes the second I see the diner.

"What happened? My girlfriend was in there." I ask a fireman and he says gas leak lead to an explosion.

"Where is everyone that was in there?" I ask him panicking.

"The entire building blew up. There are no survivors." He tells me quickly and runs off.

Then my phone rings and it says Emily and answer it to her mom saying they need me at the hospital right away.

It's only about a 10 minute drive but I drive as fast as I can ask for her room and run there. Her parents are crying.

They explain how she was in the back taking out trash but the explosion threw her back and she hit her head, she's brain dead but the baby is far enough along that he can be delivered via C-section and they are going to take her shortly, after I tell her good bye.

2 hours later I have a newborn son and Emily is officially dead.

Paul comes into the room where I am holding my son. We never talked about names.

"How is he?" He asks and I know he's really worried about me but how are you is a stupid question at this point.

"He's fine, healthy and strong."

"Look Sam I know this might not be the best time and I am so sorry about Emily but I know you and Bella are somewhat friends because of Emily but Jacob and Embry were in the diner and so was Cullen and his brother and sister and the girlfriend too. And Charlie was in there too, and possibly Sue. I left just minutes before it happened. Anyways someone needs to tell her and since anyone who would be a good person to tell her is dead that kind of leaves you or Quil or maybe Leah. I can't tell her, she hates me."

Shit. Everyone Bella loves is dead. I don't want to be the one to tell her but her and Leah don't really get along even though their parents are engaged. Her and Quil don't get along but it's more of a maturity level thing than a true hate thing like with Paul. I don't have a clue what their issue with each other is but the feeling is mutual.

I tell him thank you and that I will figure something out. Hopefully Quil agrees to tell her or maybe we should have a cop call her, that's part of their job description isn't it?

Paul leaves because he needs to give a statement about the people he saw in the diner and I call Quil.

He tells me he'll come up here and talk to me if I don't mind, it's not something he wants to talk about on the phone.

An hour later we're discussing who has to tell Bella.

"I'll do it Sam, I have enough money to fly there, maybe she won't even want to come back home, she can just stay with her mom. This might kill her, I mean I think everyone in town lost someone but she lost everyone. Her boyfriend, her dad, her best friends and the guy she loves. I would probably kill myself. Shit, I'm not going to let her kill herself. She needs to come home, her mom is kind of spacey, and she needs to be with people who can look after her. Are you in? I can't do it alone and really she doesn't even like me that much, she more tolerated me for because of Jake and Embry but they loved her and I will take care of her." He tells me seriously.

"Of course I will do anything I can for her. She was Emily's best friend; I want her in the baby's life. Emily wanted her to be the baby's godmother but I'm not sure you can have an underage godmother. Shit, she's only 16, will her mom let her come back?"

"Probably, her mom is pretty much useless from what I always heard from her and Jake. But don't think she should live alone, maybe my mom will let her move in with us." He's thinking out loud I think.

"Or she could move in with me." I suggest and he looks at me funny and then shakes his head yes.

"Um, since we need her to come back maybe I should just call her." He says and as sucky a solution it is I have to agree.

20 minutes later he comes back and I can tell he was crying talking to her.

"What happened?" I ask him not really wanting to hear it.

"Um she screamed and cried and then her mom told me she passed out and she would fly down with her as soon as she could."

Two days later she's back and she kind of attaches herself to me and baby Carson.

Her mom stays with her at her house and Charlie's house through the funerals and the memorials but everyone can tell she's desperate to get out of here. I don't know her story but I know she left when Bella was really small and never came back. Charlie had to fly to bring her back until she was old enough to fly herself.

One nigh t Renee, Bella and I are having dinner with Quil at my apartment when Renee starts talking about how it's time to start thinking about going back home.

"This is my home mom." Bella tells her quietly.

"Oh sweetie I know it is but my whole life is in Arizona, not to mention Phil is in Arizona."

"And we all know that's who really matters." Bella screams and runs out of the house. Quil takes off after her.

"Renee, I really think Bella needs to be here with everyone who understands. She's lost everything; don't take us away from her too. She can stay with me." I tell her and she thinks for a minute and says fine if that's what Bella wants.

I'm sure Bella would take anything over being taken to Arizona.

Bella and Quil never come back so eventually Renee just leaves after I assure I will make sure Bella is taken care of tonight. I call Quil and he tells me she didn't want to see her mom so he took her to his house and she fell asleep and his mom is fine with her staying the night.

I get Carson to sleep and lie in bed and think about Emily and raising Carson alone and Bella losing everyone important to her and how Quil has made it his personal mission to take care of her.

I don't sleep. I never do anymore.

_A/N As usual I'm not sure where this story is going… But I put a poll up to see if Bella should end up with Paul or Quil in the end… Please vote because if will affect the way the story goes! _


	2. Chapter 2

Bella's POV

I didn't even want to go to Arizona this summer but my mom insisted and my dad made me. I wanted to spend the summer with Emily before she had the baby and had to spend all her time with it even if Edward did get upset any time I spent time with her or with Jacob or Embry.

I think it was mostly because of Embry, he was always saying things about how Embry looks at me and how he'll brush up against me and how he only seems to pay attention to me whenever I'm around.

A week in Arizona made me realize that Edward wasn't crazy to try to keep us apart because it was Embry I ended up missing and not Edward. I didn't want to break up with him over the phone so I just avoided his calls, to be fair I avoided Embry's calls too. I only talked to Emily and Jacob.

Then one day Quil calls me and I thought about avoiding him just because I don't really like him but he never calls me so I answer and he tells me that the diner exploded killing everyone inside.

My dad, Emily, Jacob, Embry, Edward. Everyone I really care about.

Just like that my whole world crumbles.

My mom flies down with me and somehow I manage to make it through all the funerals and the memorial. Carson is a big part of that. Helping Sam take care of him gives me purpose and I know Emily would be happy I was helping.

I miss all of them so much but taking care of Carson helps but then my mom says it's about time to go home. This is my home but I know she means Arizona with my step dad. He always comes first.

Overwhelmed I run off and when I go home the next morning she informs me that she's selling the house and I'm moving in with Sam, all the money from the house will be given to me. Apparently my dad never bothered taking her off the deed. He never stopped loving her I know.

While I'm upset my mom is letting me just move in with a boy she barely knows and his infant son because she's too selfish to really care I'm relieved I don't have to give up Carson. And in the last couple of weeks I'm grown a lot closer to Sam and Quil too. We are each other's support system, we all need each other.

And that is why right now I'm cleaning up Sam's house after putting Sam's baby down for his nap. Sometimes I think Emily would be upset, it's like I've taken over her life but most of the time I think she would just be happy knowing Sam and Carson are being taken care of. Sam had to go back to work, grieving or not he still has the baby to support. I told him I would find a job to help with rent or something but he asked me to keep Carson instead.

I'm putting the dishes up when a letter falls out with my mom's address on the front. I figure it's one Emily never got the chance to send. With all the emailing and texting and facebooking Emily still preferred real paper and mailing things.

I sit down to read it and by the end I'm in tears. It's almost like she knew something bad was going to happen.

_Bella! _

_I miss you. I hate your stupid mom for making you go and your stupid dad too. And I'm allowed to call them stupid because I'm pregnant and can blame it on that. I know you'll roll your eyes when you get this in the mail because you could have had it days ago on facebook but whatever. How do you like your cookies? Can't facebook those so ha._

_Anyways I need to tell you some things and since I'm an emotional wreck I figured writing was better than talking. Not to mention you're far far away. _

_First thing… dump Edward and get with Embry. The boy looks at you with more love and adoration than a hooker looks at her crack stash. Haha! Pregnancy hormones remember? But seriously you fight with Edward all the time, Embry would never fight with you. Embry would die for you. You deserve that. Everyone can see it but you, even Edward knows. _

_Second thing… if anything should ever happen to me I want you to take care of Sam and the baby. Sam is a good man and I love with my every part of my heart but he got his emotional side from his heartless mother and somehow I wonder how that is going to affect his relationship with the baby. Now I'm not planning on dying or anything I just worry, you know that. You are my very best friend and I love you so much and I just want you to know it's you I would look to take care of them if I ever can't and I didn't want to wait until it was too late to tell you that. _

_Third thing… just kidding I think that's enough! _

_I love you and I will call you tonight as always! _

_Em_

I'm sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor crying, trying to be quiet because now would be a crappy time for Carson to wake up when Paul walks in, sits next to me and pulls me into his arms letting me cry all over him. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm thinking this isn't right, he hates me but right now it doesn't matter.

I cry for what seems like forever, until I can hardly breathe and then when I'm all cried out and breathing somewhat normally again I back away from Paul.

"I'm sorry." I whisper to him and he looks at me funny and asks for what. "For crying on you." I tell him thinking it's pretty obvious.

"You know I don't really hate you don't you?" He asks and I look up at him.

"Then why do you treat me like crap?" I ask him quietly.

"I was jealous of you. I moved here a few years and nobody paid any attention to me until Sam and then you move here and everyone loves you. Plus you were always crying about how your mom made you move here and complaining about your dad. My mom made me move here because her new boyfriend hated me and my dad died right after I moved here. I was 17 and completely alone. Your mom does seem selfish but at least you had your dad. But I'm sorry I treated like crap. Especially after I knew how Cullen treated you, it shouldn't have mattered, I should have said something. "

"Knew what?" I ask him even though I have an idea.

"That he abused you. Not physically, at least not often yet but verbally, emotionally. I should of said something but I didn't really think anyone would believe me considering neither of us really like each other and I thought if I talked you about it you would blow me off for being me."

"I would have." I whisper.

"Bella why didn't you tell anyone?"

"The men my mom had around treated her like that, I kind of that it was normal. But in Arizona all I could think about was Embry and I knew Embry would never hit me or tell me I'm ugly or not good enough and I knew that I deserved better so I stopped taking Edward's calls and I was going to talk to Jake when I got home and get him to help me end it. But now they're all dead! I was so stupid. I don't even think he loved me, I was like a toy to him and now Embry will never even know how I felt about him."

"He knew. Everyone knew. And you're not stupid Bella, you just fell into something bad. It's all in the past now." He tells me standing up and then holds his hand out to me. "Carson's asleep?" He asks and I shake my head yes.

Then he asks when I last ate or slept because I look like I'm about to fall over dead. When I can't remember the last time I did either he makes me sit down at the table while he reheats food for both of us because I tell him I don't like to eat alone and then makes me lay down to try to sleep promising to take care of Carson if he wakes up.

I lay down but I don't sleep. I can't sleep because whenever I close my eyes I see everyone I lost, memory after memory run through my head and I start crying and I can't sleep. I try for about 45 minutes and when I get up Paul is watching TV.

"There is no way you slept."

"I can't sleep. I see them, all of them and then I cry and I can't sleep. I can't close my eyes. I don't want to close my eyes. It hurts too much." I tell him quietly. "Thanks for feeding me and offering to take care of Carson so I could sleep but you can go, or I mean you can stay. It's Sam's house not mine. Um…" I stop talking because I sound stupid.

"I came to check on you and Sam, see if you needed anything. That's all but now I don't really want to leave you alone. You don't look good." He tells me perfectly nice but it's hard to just forget you can't stand someone. Though thinking about it my only reason for not liking him was he never liked me. And he ruined my 15th birthday party by bringing some bitchy girl who was drunk and stupid who ate all our food and fell into my cake. I can't even remember why he was at my party.

"So what you're saying is you don't trust me with your best friends sleeping baby?" I scream him at him and he looks at me in shock.

"No Bella, I'm worried about you and I'm worried about Carson. You are taking really good care of him but I think it's taking everything you have." He tells me calmly.

"He is all I have. Do you not understand that? All I have left is Carson and Sam and Quil. A month ago Sam was just my best friend's boyfriend and Quil didn't even like me. Now I freaking live with Sam and Quil acts like it's his life's mission to take care of me. The only reason I'm not eating is because his mom asked him to help out in the store this week so he can't be here hovering over me and I forget because all I think about is my dad and Emily, Jake, Embry and Edward. I guess he thinks when Sam is home than Sam does it but do you know what Sam does? He comes home, eats, kisses the baby then goes to his room and drinks until he passes out."

"Shit Bella I'm sorry, I didn't know. This is weird I guess, I mean I know we don't like each really but if you ever need someone to talk to or a break from the baby or anything Bella you can tell me. Do you want me to talk to Sam?"

I tell him no, Sam just needs time.

"Can I stay?" He asks cautiously and I tell him fine. "Sit please, watch TV with me."

I look at him for a minute and then decide I don't have anything better to do.

I sit on the end farthest away from him and I get tired, more tired than I can ever remember being and not wanting to close my eyes I try to get up but Paul grabs my hand and pulls me back down.

"Just a little while Bella, I know you don't want to close your eyes but I'm right here maybe you'll sleep better with me here with you. I won't move unless Carson needs me."

"If I do sleep will you wake me up if he wakes up?" I ask him and her says no so I tell him where all his stuff is and he'll probably be hungry and need a diaper change and Sam should be home in a couple of hours. Then I lay down next to him and I close my eyes and I see them, the memories but knowing I'm not alone does help and for the first time in a while I sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Quil's POV

After her mom left I made it my mission to make sure she eats and sleeps and that everything is as good as it can be for Bella. Jake and Embry would have wanted that for her plus when I'm focused on her I don't think about them so much. I understand how she feels about Carson only in the end she has more to lose. She's taking care of Carson like he's hers and I don't think Sam would ever take him away from her but eventually Sam is going to realize he's completely uninvolved in his own kid's, Emily's kid's, life and I'm not sure Bella can handle giving him up even a little bit.

She doesn't eat unless I make her but I had to work this week and by the time I got off I was tired and I figured Sam was doing what she needed him to. By the end of the week I realize I actually miss her though so I get her dinner and stop by only to find her sleeping with her head on Paul's leg.

"She hasn't been sleeping. Says Sam comes home and locks himself in his room to drink till he sleeps so he didn't know. She hasn't been eating either. I made her eat and then convinced her to watch TV with me. She sees them whenever she closes her eyes. I guess having me close to her helps. She's been out for about an hour. Carson will probably wake up soon so do you want to try to switch places with me or do you want to get him when he does?"

"How hard is she sleeping? I don't want her to wake up but I don't know the first thing about taking care of Carson." I ask him confused. Bella and I weren't really friends, didn't really even like each other but her and Paul hate each other.

"Pretty hard but she needs this. I think all he needs is a diaper change and a bottle. And don't look at me like that, me not liking her doesn't matter now. She lost everything, I came to check on her and Sam and she needed me. So can you handle him?"

"Yeah I guess so. Um, should we talk to Sam about this?" And by we I mean him because I don't know Sam all that much.

"She said no but I will. I think she's afraid he'll take Carson from her but I don't think he will. He needs her." He tells me and he looks pretty sure of himself. I think we both know she couldn't handle Carson being taken away from her. I don't know what either Sam or Bella are going to do once school starts.

I sit there with Paul and watch TV and listen to her mumble in her sleep. All I can make out is sorry and Embry and Carson.

"She feels bad because she thinks that Embry never knew how she felt." Paul tells me looking at her sad.

"Embry knew. When she came back he was going to everything he could to get her away from Edward." I tell him.

"Do they know how he treated her?"

"Yeah but neither of them wanted to turn her against them. But in the end I think they decided it was worse to not do anything. She's so broken, I think she was already pretty messed up from that and then this. We never got along but I'm starting to really care about her." I tell him honestly.

He looks down at her and says yeah I get that.

Carson starts crying and I hurry to get him before she wakes up, but I have no idea how to change a diaper or make a bottle and Paul doesn't know either.

"Why don't I take him to my house for a while? My mom's there, I'm sure she can help. I do know how to put the car seat in." I've driven her to the store a couple of times.

He agrees so I grab what I assume is his bag and hope everything he needs is in and tell him to call me when she's ready for him back. She is probably going to freak out but it's worth it for her to sleep.

I manage to get out with her still sleeping and take him home.

"Mom!" I yell as soon as I get home because he's been screaming since I started driving.

She comes down the stairs looks at me for a second and bursts into laughter and tells me the completely clueless look I have right now reminds me so much of my dad. I'm glad she's laughing and not crying. He died when I was young but every once in a while something will make her either laugh or cry. I hate when things make her cry.

She asks me why I have Carson as she's going through his bag and I tell her the whole story while she's making him a bottle.

"Oh poor Bella. I just don't think her being responsible for that baby is such a good idea. Even Emily would have had her parents for support. You tell her that if she ever needs anything she can come to me or call me anytime, I don't care if it's the middle of the night. What is she going to do about school when is starts back up?"

I tell her I don't know. Bella doesn't talk to me a whole lot, I have a feeling since Sam is ignoring her she doesn't talk to anyone a whole lot but I don't really know what to do about it. I'm not good with all that emotional crap. I don't talk to anyone about losing Jake and Embry except sometimes my mom and Bella's mom is useless. I guess she did talk to Paul today which is weird because that couldn't stand each other before but he really seems to be concerned about her now.

Because nothing is the same anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

Paul's POV

I tried talking to Sam about what he is doing to not only to Bella but to Carson too. Sure right now he has no idea what's going on but one day he's not going to think anything of Sam and only want Bella. Sam told me to stay out of his business and if Bella has a problem with it she can leave. I made it very clear that Bella doesn't have a problem with anything and it's me concerned.

Now that I know what is going on and it's obvious Sam isn't going to change anything anytime soon I come see Bella whenever I can. She only sleeps when someone is with her so Quil and I have been taking turns sleeping at the house with her and taking care of Carson on the nights we are there. She resisted at first but between the two of us we convinced her it was happening whether she wanted it to or not and Sam even told her he thought it was a good idea. Then of course he locked himself in his room. I also convinced Quil to talk to her about Jake and Embry because they have that in common and she slowly opened up to both of us to talk about everyone she lost.

He told her that Embry always knew how she felt and that seemed to make a big difference to her.

We also convinced her she needs to get out of the house more often so she's been going on walks with the baby and she lets us take her to dinner and once she let me keep Carson while Quil took her skating which he says she used to do with Jake and Embry all the time.

They both seem happier but I know what's it's like to lose someone you love and I know it will take them both a long time to be OK and they will never really get over it completely.

Emily's parents came to visit and while Bella tried to hide the fact that Sam is always either at work or in his room they knew. She was afraid they would try to take him but they told her that Emily made it very clear that if anything should happen to her and Sam that Bella would her first choice to take care of him and they wouldn't want to go against her wishes but they would like to be involved and they are willing to help in anyway. Her mom never even calls and Quil's mom has him bring her over there at least once a week for dinner.

She lost more than anyone but everyone seems to have come together to make sure she is going to be OK. She's strong and she takes really good of Carson and Sam as much as he will let her. She makes sure he eats at least before he goes to his room.

Today we are talking to her about what happens when school starts. She's not going to want him in daycare but I don't see any other option.

I walk in and see Leah sitting on the couch with Carson and when I look at her she tells me Bella is in the other room getting a toy she thinks and will be back in a minute. Bella's dad and Leah's mom were going to get married at the end of the summer but Bella and Leah never really got along because Sam was dating Leah and he broke up with her for Emily and by girl rules that meant that Bella and Leah couldn't like each other. Drove their parent's nuts.

Bella comes back and smiles at me and says hi and that she made cookies, they're in the kitchen. She looks really good today, some days are better than others.

She takes Carson from Leah, hands him the elephant she went to get and then asks her why she's here.

Leah hands her a small bag saying she just got her mom's personal stuff and this was with it. Bella starts crying and I look at Leah accusingly and she tells me it's the engagement ring her mom was wearing and that it belonged to Bella's grandma so she thought she should have it.

I take Carson from her and put him on his play blanket and hold her why she cries.

"I'm sorry Bella." Leah whispers but she tells her not to be sorry, she's happy to have it. "I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have been so mean to you. You were going to be my sister and what happened between Sam and I had nothing to do with you."

"It's OK Leah, I was mean to you too and it wasn't my fight."

"Can we be friends?" Leah asks her and Bella says yes and goes to hug her. Girls confuse the shit out of me.

They start talking about their parents and from that they end up talking about everything while Carson and I hang out on the floor. Having a girlfriend would probably be good for Bella.

Leah asks Bella who is going to keep Carson when starts school back up and she tells her she doesn't know yet, she's considering just dropping out since her mom isn't here to stop her. No way is that happening.

"I could keep him." Leah offers and I look up at her like she's insane. "I work afternoons so by time I needed to be to work you would off school." She goes on.

"I don't know Leah, you hated Emily." Bella tells her quietly.

"I never hated her, I was jealous yes but none of that matters any more. Look at you and Paul, you two hated each other and now you're… friends I guess."

Bella looks at me and I tell her it's better than daycare and when she asks if I think Sam will mind I tell her I don't really think Sam cares and if he does than he can find a better solution because she is not quitting school.

"Let's go to dinner." Leah suddenly suggests to both of us and Bella looks at me and I tell her sure, it'll be good for her to get out anyways.

Bella goes off to pack Carson's bag up.

"You're in love with her aren't you?" Leah accuses as soon as she's up.

"Um no, not at all. But she's young and completely alone raising her dead best friend's baby. She's amazing with him and she takes care of Sam even though he completely abandoned her and Carson. I just like to see her smile and if I can be the one to do that why not?"

"Yeah… you don't love her." She says sarcastically.

But I really don't.


	5. Chapter 5

Quil's POV

I spent the night at Sam's and Bella's last night and usually I am awake with Carson before she is because she exhausts herself during the day with him and cooking and cleaning and lately she's been doing something online that she's keeping secret.

I get up to find her and she's sitting at the table feeding Carson cereal with a really blank look on her face.

"What's wrong Bella?" I ask her worried.

"Sam didn't leave." She tells me with a voice that matches her face.

"OK maybe he called in or something." I tell her, Sam is almost always drunk, it wouldn't surprise me if just stopped going to work. I do wonder what happens then because at least right now he's taking care of Carson money wise. Bella too even though she does have insurance money and money from the house.

"I just have a very bad feeling about it. Paul is coming to check on him. I just think something is wrong." She tells me and I can tell she believes that something is really wrong.

I sit down next to her while we wait for Paul. He comes in looking panicked then signs in relief when he sees her. I wonder what she told him. He looks at her waiting for her to tell him what's wrong and when she doesn't say anything I tell him she wanted him check on Sam.

I hear him knocking on his door, and then banging on his door yelling his name. Maybe she's right about something being really wrong. I tell her I'll be right back and go to his door where Paul is picking the lock and when we walk in Sam is crashed still. Paul tries to shake him awake and that's when he realizes he's not breathing.

"Shit, call an ambulance." He tells me and I do even though we both knows it's too late.

"Who tells her?" He asks me.

"I'm right here." She whispers from the doorway holding Carson.

"Come on Bella, you don't need to see him like this." Paul leads her out.

An ambulance comes and the cops come and from what they find he took a bunch of sleeping pills and drank a lot and killed himself. Bella is hysterical and Paul called Leah to come take Carson. I know she's upset about Sam but I know she's also worried about losing Carson. She just turned 17, she can't legally keep him.

"He left this for you, I'm sorry we are legally required to read and open anything." A cop hands Paul an envelope and he hands Bella off to me so he can open it.

"It's custody papers, he gave me custody." Paul tells me and Bella starts crying even harder. I think she's going to pass out and the EMT even offers to call someone to take her to the hospital so they can give her a sedative.

Paul takes her back from me and tells her that it's just because she's not old enough but nothing has to change where Carson is concerned.

"Do you want to go to the hospital?" I ask her and she shakes his head no and Paul glares at me so I focus on Carson until Leah shows up for him. She hugs Bella and tells her she can keep him as long as she needs her to and if she needs anything to let her know. Bella kisses Carson good bye and walks them out to the car and then she comes in and collapses on the couch and pulls her legs up and wraps her arms around them and then just stares into space ignoring both of us so we sit in the kitchen and discuss her future without her.

Paul says as long as she's OK with it she can move in with him. He has a tiny 2 bedroom house but it's actually a little bit bigger than here. Carson can sleep in her room like he does now and Paul and I will take turns spending the night with her still.

Of course this all depends on her coming back to life which I hope she does for at least Carson.

"Quil?" Bella calls from the couch and I run to her. "I want Carson back now."

"I don't know if that's a good idea Bella, Leah can keep him for a few hours, and maybe we can pick him up tonight?" I ask her hopefully. She's in shock; she cannot take care of him right now.

"Take me away from here and then she can come and stay but I need to have him close. I know Paul won't take him from me… I just need to know he's still my reason for living. Please Quil? I need him close."

"Where do you want to go?" I ask her.

"I don't care."

"Let's to take her back to my house since that's where they'll be staying." Paul says without thinking we haven't discussed this with her and she looks at him. "If that's OK with you of course. I'm sure Quil's mom would let you stay there for a while."

"He's yours." She tells him brokenly.

"No Bella. Sam had to give me custody or he would have gone to his mom or Emily's parents. Sam loved Carson just as much as he loved Emily and he let you take care of him. He knew that in the end you could take better care of him than he could. Carson is yours, you're his mother Bella. You'll always be his mom. When you're old enough to get your own place you can take him or you can keep him at Quil's." Paul tells her and she throws her arms around his neck and he holds her up and she just keeps crying into him while I pack up what I think they'll need until we can come back and get the rest of their things.

"You really don't mind me staying with you?" She asks him finally.

"I really don't mind." He tells her wiping the tears off her face.

And in that moment I realize he loves her.


	6. Chapter 6

Paul's POV

Sam was the closest thing to family I had and he killed himself. I understand losing Emily was hard for him but Bella lost Emily and her dad and everyone else she really cared and instead of killing herself she threw herself into taking care of Carson while Sam ignores them both.

Right now she's on my guest room bed bouncing Carson up and down and giggling when he does. She won't talk to anyone except the baby.

"I don't think her living here is such a good idea." Leah tells me standing with me watching her. "She can stay with me, I think that will be better since you know… I don't have feelings for her or anything. She doesn't need that right now. A few months ago she was dating one guy and in love with another. She can't handle what you both feel for her right now."

"Leah I spent the night with her a few nights a week anyways, how is this going to be any different?"

"It's going to be different because she's going to cook and clean for you and you're going to do everything you can to make her happy and you're going to take care of her, which isn't bad obviously, but soon it will be too hard for you to control your feelings and she's going to get confused and flip out."

"No Leah she stays here. I know you care about her, but he loves her. And that means that he can take care of her better than anyone of us." Quil tells her and I tell him thanks even though I'm sure he has feelings for her and I'm not sure that I do. I do know he would be better for her. Bella had a crappy childhood and so did I. We're both damaged and one damaged person needs an undamaged person to balance them out. Quil would be good for her, he's her complete opposite and he doesn't let her get too serious about things that really aren't that big of a deal. He can make her laugh right in the middle of a crying fit.

"Is that your plan? To wait until she convinces herself that something is wrong between them and then take her for you?" Leah asks Quil and I look at him. He doesn't seem the type.

"No, my plan is for her to be happy. Have you noticed that when she's really upset it's him she calls if she can? And how she smiles every time he walks into the room no matter what she is doing and she only lets me take her out without Carson because she only likes Paul to keep him? Except you but she won't ask you to keep him any more than you already do." Quil tells Leah.

"So you're just going to ignore how you feel about her?" She asks him and he says yep, he really likes her and he cares about her a lot and he will be anything she needs him to be but he doesn't love her.

"I don't love her." I tell them both and they look at me like I'm stupid and walk away while I stand there watching her.

I do care about her; think about her all the time. It's just worry though. She's been through so much I just want to make her life better, she deserves that. Someone needs to make sure she doesn't fall apart.

I don't really date, girls are complicated and emotional and I prefer to see them once and not again. I'm sure Bella knows this since Emily knew this and I think they told each other everything. Once Bella is better she's going to realize I'm worthless and she's going to take Carson and move on with her life.

And I will let her. She's taken care of him since he was 3 days old, I would never take him away from her or her from him.

Leah makes her a sandwich and gives it to me to take to her.

"You need to eat Bella." I tell her when she starts shaking her head as soon as she sees it.

"Did you eat?" She asks and I tell her no she breaks it in half and hands me half then nibbles on it.

Leah brings her some water and offers to take Carson and she lets him go after hugging him and kissing him and telling him she loves him and she'll be out in a minute.

"You shouldn't be taking care of me. Sam was your best friend; you took care of me when I lost everyone. Let me take care of you now." She tells me quietly.

"We can take care of each other and I will help you take care of Carson. You shouldn't have to do it all alone." I tell her and she leans on me and cries some more.

"If I'm Carson's mom like you said what does that make you? His dad? Won't that be confusing to him when he gets older? I mean eventually you'll want me out of your house and you said I can take him."

The thought her of leaving my house is painful and she's not really even moved in yet.

"It's up to you Bella, I mean I want to always be part of his life but you can call me whatever you want. And don't worry about me wanting you out of here. This is now your house too but if you ever want to leave then yes you can take him."

"He needs a dad. You promise no matter where we go you'll always be there for him?" She asks me.

"I promise."

"Then I think you'd make a good dad." She tells me hugging me.

Yeah I can see where maybe this might get complicated.


	7. Chapter 7

Paul's POV

Bella moved in despite Leah's constant disapproval. It seems that she's happy to let Quil and I make all of her decisions for her which kind of bothers me but at least I know she's OK.

The only decisions she'll make are the ones concerning Carson. She's to the point where she won't even make dinner without one of us telling her what to make.

I don't know what caused this but Quil thought we should get her to do therapy so Leah talked to one of the cops that her dad worked with and we set her up for weekly sessions. We kind of thought she would fight it and when she didn't it was proof she needs it.

I just got home from work and I walk in and she's making dinner and singing to Carson in his high chair and she looks more alive than I've seen her since Sam died. Maybe therapy is helping.

"Hey." She smiles and hands me water from the fridge.

"How was school?" I ask her cautiously. She hates school and will only talk to Quil. He says she literally ignores anyone that speaks to her unless they are a teacher or other staff. She's failing at least one class.

"It sucked as usual. I know it's important to you that I don't quit by I was thinking about maybe homeschooling? It's not hard and you and Leah can help and then I can get done faster and I wouldn't have to leave Carson anymore. I set up an online store selling baby clothes. Emily and I made tons for Carson and people are always telling me how adorable and unique they are and I'm making good money so with that and my insurance money from my dad and the house sell I'm OK with money so I don't really need to work. I mean as long as that's OK with you."

"The store sounds like a great idea Bella and if you really want to homeschool I will do everything I can to help you." I tell her even though I hate her thinking she needs permission for everything. "Have you started dinner, we could go out tonight. You look tired."

"Yeah I had a long day and I don't really feel very good. I don't really feel like going out with him, he's fussy. I think it's his teeth. Making dinner seems easier right now but if you really want to its fine, I'll go get him ready." She starts to walk out.

"Dammit Bella stop! I was trying to be helpful not make things harder for you. You can tell me no!" I yell at her at then feel bad.

"I lost everyone! I don't want to lose you and Carson!" She screams back at me.

"You're not going to lose me. You really think I'm going to what… kick you out because you don't want to go to dinner? Or if you make something I don't like for dinner or you don't work full time after school? Bella I care about you so much and you are Carson's mom. And I know Quil feels the same way, he's not going to cut you out of his life if you make your own decisions. This whole not being about to decide what you're doing today by yourself worries us more than anything. Nothing is going to make you lose us."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just… you used to hate me and now I'm raising your by law son and I lost my dad and my 2 best friends and my boyfriend and the boy I loved in one day. Everyone I loved was gone before I had the chance to say good bye. And then I do everything I can to take care of Carson and Sam and I obviously failed since he killed himself. I don't want to fail again."

"I yelled first so don't be sorry. I'm sorry. And you're not failing, Bella you do more than anyone has the right to ask you to do just like you did with Sam. Sam just couldn't face life without Emily; it had nothing to do with you. Why don't you go sit down and watch TV or take a bath or something? I can watch Carson and make dinner or I can order pizza or go get Chinese. Whatever you want."

"Um OK. You can just order pizza if you want. A bath does sound nice but he's so fussy and he's been sitting there for a good 15 minutes now so a meltdown is near and we're out of those yogurt things he likes."

"I can handle fussy Bella. I love him too you know?"

"I know you do and you're good with him. I just worry. OK, I'm going to go take a bath." She hugs me and then leaves the kitchen. I follow her in the room and blast my iPod so she won't be able to here Carson if he does meltdown and then order the pizza.

As soon as I walk into the kitchen Carson starts throwing his cereal on the floor and then screaming, from what I can tell, because all his cereal is on the floor.

"Why so fussy buddy? I know you don't like this stuff. Mommy knows too but she can't drive and she thinks she's bothering me and Quil if she asks her to take us to the store. Which really doesn't even makes sense because when she goes to the store she buys food for us too. She takes good care of us but I don't know if I'm taking good enough care of her. She's always so tired and now she wants to quit school to spend more time with you but as much as she hates school I think the break is good for her. I love her dude. You and her, you're all I ever think about. The nights that Quil spends here with her I want to kill him, did you know that? But he would be so much better for her than me. Not that's she's ready for any of that stuff anyways. OK Carson stop crying. I ordered pizza, she might kill me but I'll give you some OK?"

"Damn Paul just tell the girl how you feel." Leah tells me from the doorway. She has a key because she keeps Carson here when Bella's at school.

"You were not supposed to hear any of that. Why are you here?"

"I'm off and I came to check on Bella, Carson was really fussy and she looked awful when I left." She tells me.

"She's in the bath, says she doesn't feel very good. I ordered pizza, you staying?" I ask her and she says sure so I tell her the pizza should be here soon, I need to run to the store.

She tells me no, to write her a list and she'll go. Bella would rather it be me she comes out here to than her.

"You're not going to tell her are you?" She asks before she leaves.

"Nope, she's doesn't need to know. It's too soon and she's too good for me."

"You're an idiot. I'll be back in an hour."

The pizza comes and Bella comes out, looks at it, runs to the trash can and pukes.

"I think I'm sick." She mumbles.

"Yeah I got Carson, take something and go to bed." I tell her feeling her forehead. She's burning up.

"You know I can't sleep alone." She whispers. I hate that she still can't sleep without one of us with her but I'm not going to force her into trying.

"OK Leah ran to the store for me, you really need to start telling me when we need things, I don't mind taking you to the store, when she gets back she can stay with Carson and I'll lay with you until you fall asleep OK?"

"I'm sorry I need you so much." She starts crying.

"It's OK Bella, I need you too." I tell her kissing her on the top of the head. "Go lay down please? She should be back soon; there is Nyquil in the cabinet."

"No Nyquil. I took it once right after because I thought I could sleep but it was like being stuck in a nightmare."

"OK well I'll call Leah and have her bring you something that doesn't make you sleepy. Go lay down." I order her and she kisses Carson and goes.

Leah comes back and takes over feeding Carson pizza while I lay with Bella.

"Tylenol, water. Sleep. I'm off tomorrow so I got Carson all day. You're going to stay in bed all day." I tell her and she starts to argue but she's too tired.

"Paul?" she mumbles half asleep.

"Hmm?"

"I think I love you."

"I know I love you." I tell her after I know she's asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Paul's POV

I come home one day and Bella asks if I mind keeping Carson for the night and I tell her of course not thinking she's going out with Quil or Leah or something. She hardly ever goes out without one of us; really she hardly ever goes out unless I beg her too.

A few hours later a man I don't know knocks on my door asking for her.

"Bye Paul, call me if you need anything. I made dinner, it's in the oven. Oh and I made cookies, they are in jar. Carson can have a couple but that's it." Then she hugs me and walks out with this man I don't know.

I call Quil and he tells me his name is Ryan and they met at the park where she takes Carson every afternoon and this Ryan dude walks his dog. He's new in town, works at the police station. I ask him how old he is and he says he doesn't know. Maybe my age, or a little older. I'm a little too old for her; a little older is way too much. He says there are going to dinner and then some concert at a park in the next town over.

I do not like this at all. I ask him why she didn't tell me when he apparently knows every detail and he tells me she thought I might be a little over protective about the whole thing.

She might be right.

He tells me he's coming over and I tell him fine.

"Come on buddy; let's go see what mush mommy made for dinner." She's an amazing cook and baker. I put Carson in his seat and pull out lasagna and just as I'm done feeding him Quil knocks on my door.

"Thanks for the warning about her going out." I tell him as he walks through and Carson lunges for him.

"Sorry, I mean they planned it a week ago, didn't you ask her what she was doing when she asked if you could keep Car a week ago?"

"She asked me tonight. I mean it's not like I make plans unless they're with her." Yeah that didn't sound pathetic at all.

"Why don't you just tell her you love her? I mean, she's dating. I think she can handle it now. If you don't say something you'll be giving her away at her wedding."

"She doesn't see me like her father." I snap. "Does she?"

"No she doesn't. She sees you as the father of her son. Oh and as the man she loves." He says like it's common knowledge.

"Huh?"

"Are you really that stupid? Do you have any food?"

I point to the oven and he pulls out lasagna and makes himself a plate, then he starts feeding Carson bites of it too. The kid eats like crazy. He's 10 months old and she just started letting him having solid food.

"I'm not stupid."

"She loves you. I'm not sure if she knows she loves you or not but she does. Happened somewhere around the time I stopped spending the night with her and you started calling her mommy when you talk to Car."

I never told anyone about her telling me she loves me when she was half asleep. She never said anything about it so I figure she doesn't remember.

"Then why is she on this date?" I ask him once again sounding pathetic.

"Probably because her therapist is telling her she needs to get out more and _you_ tell her she needs to get out more. She's doing this because she thinks it's what you want."

"Then why didn't she tell me?"

"Because he's your age, maybe older and she knew you would prefer someone more our age."

I ask him if she really likes him and he says he doesn't know. She told him all the details of the date but she doesn't talk about him a whole lot. It was more of if I turn up missing he looks like this and we're going here thing.

"She turns up missing, I'll kill you." I threaten him.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Don't worry; I'm sure she'll make it to their wedding."

I glare at him then take Carson for his bath.

"Paul you're going to lose her if you don't tell her. She's going to fall in love with someone who isn't afraid to love her and she's going to take Car and marry him and live him and have his babies." He tells me following me into the bathroom.

"If I tell her now I'll look jealous."

"You are jealous."

I don't really see how that matters.

After Carson is asleep and Quil leaves I wait for her. It's after midnight when they get home and it's really hard not to call her and check on her but I don't want her seeing me like her worried father.

"Hey, you didn't have to wait up for me." She tells me but she doesn't look upset. "How was Carson?" She asks and I tell her he was fine.

"What was that Bella? You spent months not doing anything without asking me first and then you run off with some guy who according to Quil is too old for you." Try not to sound like her father Paul.

"That's why I didn't tell you. I thought this is what you wanted, for me to get out more. I'm sorry he's older than me but why do you even care?"

"Because I love you Bella!" I yell at her.

"And you waited until I go out to tell me? Even though I told you I loved you months ago. So what is this Paul? I'm not good enough until someone else shows interest. I'm going to bed; sleep in your own damn bed tonight." I guess she does remember then.

"Bella…" But she walks into my room and locks the door. So much for sleeping in my own bed.

A little while later she lies down in her bed next to me and tells me she can't sleep but she's still really mad at me.

I tell her I'm sorry and she says I can be sorry in the morning, just hold her now.

At least I know I can do that without screwing up.


	9. Chapter 9

Paul's POV

The morning after her first date with Ryan we talked about everything and she decided she wanted to date Ryan and see how it went. She says she does love me but she feels like she depends on me too much and she wants to be her own person.

She goes out with him a couple of times a week and he seems nice enough but I don't like him. Quil thinks he's nice enough but that's it nothing to her and Leah hates him. Says there is just something about him.

She also decided to start sleeping alone so she's not really sleeping but I don't want to tell her what to do.

She's getting ready to go out with him now and after she's dressed she tells me dinner is cooking and should be done in about an hour and Carson didn't nap today so he should go down early for bed.

"Bella… don't go. Please?" I beg her and she looks sad for a second then says she'll see me in the morning, hugs me and leaves.

Quil comes over like he does every time she goes out with him. I think he's making sure I don't follow them and kill Ryan. I've considered it.

"How is the party planning going?" He asks and I tell him I don't know. She won't really let me help her with it.

Carson 1st birthday is obviously the 1st anniversary of the diner accident so we tried to convince her to have his party a different day but she refuses.

She went from not making any decisions to being stubborn. I like the stubborn version better honestly even if she does drive me nuts.

"OK then, how long do you think she's going to lead Ryan on?" He asks.

"I think she really likes him." I tell him.

"Yeah but she loves you and eventually she'll quit playing this game and come to her senses. Or marry him and have his babies. You need to fight for her. Prove you're the right one for her. She knows you are, she's just trying to prove to herself she's in control."

"Do you steal her therapy notes or something?" I ask him.

"Ha. No. She talks to me because she's not in love with me and Leah just tells her she's stupid. Can I sleep here tonight? My mom has this guy over and it's weird. Usually they go to his house but he's remodeling or something."

"Yeah you can sleep with her. Maybe she'll sleep. I don't even think it's the memories anymore, I think she just got so used to having one of us with her."

"Does she ever sleep there?" He asks and I tell him no, she likes to be here for Carson in the morning.

He says yeah he's sure that's the reason.

After Carson is in bed we watch TV for a while before he goes to bed. I always wait up for her even though she tells me every time I don't need to. Normally she stays up with me for a while and tells me how her date went. It was my idea, she feels guilty telling me how she's having fun with him but I like to know what she does. She's been telling me lately that he wants to spend more time with Carson but she's not ready for that. I'm hoping she's never ready for that.

She walks in and shuts the door quietly just like she always does and looks towards the couch to see if I'm there.

"You don't have to wait up for Paul. I'm a big girl." She snaps. She's not usually snappy.

"Are you OK Bella?" I ask her.

"I'm just tired; can you get up with Carson in the morning?"

"Yeah of course, Quil is in your bed." I tell her and she looks at me funny then goes to her room.

The next morning Carson and I wake up early and go to the store to get stuff for breakfast. Bella is a way better cook than I am but I always make breakfast on Saturday. We usually go to the store together but I'm hoping since Quil slept with her she'll sleep in.

When I get back Quil is on my couch watching a movie, he gets up and takes the groceries from me.

"I will make breakfast and watch Car. Your girl is in there in hysterics because she had sex with Ryan last night. Did you know she was a virgin? So after she had sex with him she felt guilty because it wasn't you and now she thinks you're going to hate her and that she's ruined. I told her you've slept with hundreds of woman but I don't think that helped."

I'm about to kill him when he tells me he's kidding about the last part.

I knock on the door and when she doesn't answer I very slowly open the door. She's curled up in the middle of her bed, sobbing.

"Go away." She whispers.

"Quil told me what happened Bella."

"I hate him."

"You love him. And he loves you, that's why he told me and that's why he's making breakfast and watching Carson for us right now. Do you want to talk about last night?"

"About me being a slut?" She asks me sitting up.

"You're not a slut."

"I don't love him."

"So why did you do it?"

"I was maybe drunk… and you take really good care of me but I wanted to prove that I can take care of myself and he really wanted to do it and he was like begging me and I just… I let him talk me into it. And then after all I could think about was you and I love you and my first time should have been with you and now I'm ruined and you'll never want me."

"He let you drink? You're 17 years old and he's a cop!" She looks at me and starts crying again. Because what I should have said was I'll always want you and you're not ruined.

"Bella look at me, I love you. You know that, this doesn't change anything I feel for you. I love you, I want you. This means… you're done with him right?"

"Yes stupid, it means I'm done with him but that does not mean you allowed to kill him or hurt him or even talk to him." She demands.

"And this means…?" I don't want to push her but I have spent the last couple of months watching her try to figure herself out and I'm really tired of waiting.

"It means that I like it when you take care of me and I like taking care of you and I love you and I want to be with you. Can you please stop staring at me now and like kiss me or something?"

Finally.


	10. Chapter 10

Bella's POV

Paul is working late and Quil is sitting in my kitchen holding Carson waiting for dinner. Apparently I cook better than his mom plus he can't stand her boyfriend, he practically lives here. I don't mind though because he's great with Carson and he helps out when he can.

"So… Bella, what do you think about marriage?" He asks causally and it sets off little alarm bells in my mind but I try to stay casual too.

"I'm still against it."

"Still? I didn't know you were ever against it." Of course he doesn't remember. Guys don't remember things like diner conversations with girls they don't like. I only remember because the topic was marriage.

"Remember right before I left for Arizona you drove me to the diner after school and Embry and Jake were meeting us there?" I don't remember their reasoning but it had to be Quil who took me.

"Oh yeah and there were like 30 minutes late. You know they set that up?" Hmm, never thought about it but he's probably right. They were determined we were going to like each other.

"Jerks. Anyways then some football player proposes to his cheerleader girlfriend and you were all how sweet and I was like yeah I give it 3 months max."

"And then I asked you what your deal was and you said you didn't believe in marriage." He tells me remembering. Good to know I'm not totally forgettable.

"Yep and then you mumbled something and asked me why." He starts laughing and I look at him waiting for the joke.

"I mumbled there goes Embry's future." I see the sadness in his eyes but he's still laughing and I laugh with him. "And then you told me you would just screw it up and the only reason for marriage is kids and you would just screw them up too."

Damn, now I'm kind of wishing I was forgettable.

"Do you remember what you told me?" I ask him and he shakes his head yes.

"I told you that usually the people who are afraid of screwing up do things the best because their constantly aware of their mistakes rather than the people who think they have it all right and don't see the path of destruction their leaving behind."

"Scarily enough my therapist told me something very similar to that about Carson. Maybe you should be a therapist." I tell him serious. "And then you were spitting coke at me when Jake and Embry came in."

"Ha, yep Embry was pissed at me for that. Bella you do an amazing job with Car, you know that right?" He asks and I sigh.

"I think I do OK but who knows how he's going to turn out?"

"You do more than OK, he's always your first priority and that's all you can really do. You can't control how he turns out, you just love him and guide him and listen to him. Do you feel like you're less in control because no matter how much you love him it's not your blood he has? Like maybe he'll be reckless like Emily or suicidal like Sam." He asks and I wonder how he knows Emily was reckless, she hid it pretty well I thought.

"You should _just _like my therapist. And sometimes I do but she pointed out to me that worrying about it is just going to stress me out and there is no proof showing that genetic traits are all that important. A lot of people think it has way more to do with how a child was raised. She even gave me a book but I don't have time to read books anymore. "

"You need time to read Bella, or do something you like doing. I know you don't like sleeping without Paul but that doesn't mean you can't lock yourself in your room for a couple of hours while one of us takes care of him. We don't mind we just don't think to offer this stuff. But can I read the book? It sounds interesting."

"Of course, are you planning on going to college?" I ask and he probably thinks I'm just changing the subject but honestly that's just an added benefit, he sounds so much like my therapist and now he wants to read my book I think it would be a waste for him to stay here and run the store.

"I'm not that smart Bella." He tells me quietly.

"I'm paying someone a lot of money for her to tell me the things you tell me with no degree. You're definitely not stupid and you read people well."

"I know you." He argues.

"Fine, tell me why you think Sam killed himself." I tell him and he looks at me like I'm absolutely insane but he thinks about it.

"Bella, I've thought about it a lot but I don't want you to get pissed at me." He tells me seriously.

"I've discussed this with my therapist Quil and honestly I don't like the answer but I'm OK with it."

"At the very beginning when he was helping you with Car and we would have dinner together I saw the way he looked at you sometimes. It was a mix of attraction and admiration and guilt. I think you taking care of Car made him feel attracted to you which in turn made him feel extremely guilty because Emily had just died and you were her best friend. But he knew that you loved Car and Car had already bonded with you and he pulled back but when he pulled back he was pretty much alone and he couldn't handle that." I start crying and he rushes to tell me that it's not my fault. Sam was messed up and he should have talked to someone about it.

"No, I know it wasn't my fault and she even said it's perfectly normal for men to project that attraction onto women taking care of their kids. It's not as common for women because they just aren't a lot of cases where a man takes a primary role for caring for a women's child if she's in the picture. But with men there a lot of nanny cases and things like that. It's just…"

"Maybe Paul is just projecting the attraction because you take care of Car? Bella he loved you before he saw Car as his son. He really didn't see Car as his son until you had lived here a couple of months. He loves you because you're beautiful and sweet and funny though at times annoyingly serious and you love with your whole heart. He loves you because you can make him smile or laugh and because sometimes you make him want to scream. You went through something most people wouldn't be able to handle and you came out of it the mother of someone else's kid. He loves you for you and he'll love you even if you tell him no but he wants the 3 of you to be a real family. And that's a lot coming from Paul."

"You're amazing Quil. I hope you find an amazing woman. But for real you should look into going to college. Even if you don't become a therapist there has to be something you can do with your amazing people reading skills." I tell him hugging him. He kisses my forehead, hands me Carson and sets the table and makes plates for everyone.

"So… if he asks?" I roll my eyes and tell him I don't think I can the man I love I won't be his wife. He smiles and then Carson throws some pasta at him.

"Wouldn't it be crazy if I end up being a therapist while you sell custom baby clothes?" He asks laughing so I throw some pasta at him. I always thought I would go to college and be a teacher or a nurse or something, the end result was undetermined but the destination was always college. But right now I'm happy selling my custom baby clothes and taking care of Carson and Paul and Quil when he's here, and even Leah when she'll let me.

"Wait… if you didn't remember me being against marriage why the warning?" I ask him suddenly and he shrugs and says it just seemed like the smart thing to do.

"You're smarter than you think." I tell him and he just shrugs.


	11. Chapter 11

Quil's POV

One year ago today I lost my two best friends. It was the hardest day of my life but even in my grief I knew someone had to be there to take care of Bella. She lost everyone she cared about. It started out as what I knew Jake and Embry would want me to do. But over this last year I've come to love her just as much as they always did. Her and Car and Paul and Leah are my new group and it's so weird sometimes but I'm so grateful to have them, without them I don't know how I would have made it through the year.

Jake and Embry were like brothers to me. I spent all my time with them, I tolerated Bella for them. Embry used to go on and on and on about her, Jake loved her like a sister and it even drove him nuts. She was so serious and she was constantly annoyed with me. Plus I thought it was stupid that she was with Edward when everyone knew she should have been with Embry. I never took the time to really get to know her until after the accident. Now I can't imagine my life without her.

"I really hate that she won't let me go, I mean I get it but it sucks." Paul tells me as he chases Car through the house. He just learned to walk and he does not stop.

"I know but she's going to be fine. Plus you have to set up for the party. Leah is coming to help you, we invited her but she didn't want to go. I'll make sure she's OK." I tell him, I always make sure she's OK. He's not usually a worrier except when it comes to her and he's not even so bad when it comes to her anymore but she's been weird for the last couple of weeks. She cries all the time and she holds on to Car and Paul like they are going to disappear. She also hardly sleeps at all; even with him there she wakes up screaming telling him she dreamt she lost them both.

Today we are going to visit them where they are buried. She comes out of their room, grabs Car to hug him and kiss him then sends him off running while she kisses Paul good bye.

"I love you baby, don't worry about the party. I got it all covered. Stay as long as you want." He tells her and she starts crying and tells him thank you.

Then she grabs my hand and we walk to the car. She's quiet on the way. Once we get there I wait for her to act. She just stares into space.

"Do you want me to stay with you or do you want to talk to them alone?" I ask and she says she can't do it alone.

We get out and I follow her. She goes to her dad's grave first. She sits on her knees in front of it and just cries. I sit next to her and put my hand on her back.

She talks to him about Car and Paul and me and how she's friends with Leah now and how she's sorry she made things so hard for him and Sue when it came to Leah and she's sorry she was mad at him before she went to Arizona. I know they made up over the phone but she still left here mad at him. She tells him she loves him and then just sits for a while before getting up and moving to Jake and Embry. They're buried together; everyone agreed they would want to be next to each other if given the option.

"Jake, Embry… I miss you guys so much. It hurts so much some days but I'm trying to be strong, you would want me to be strong. Embry I loved you, I loved you so much and I was so stupid and caught up in Edward but I was counting down the days till I could come home and tell you how I felt. My life has changed so much; I don't think I'm the girl I was at all. I have a son now, Emily and Sam's son. I guess you know all this already. I don't know how it works. I live with Paul, I love Paul. I know how crazy that is, I couldn't stand him and now I love him so much. I think you guys would like him. And Quil takes care of me, I know it started out of loyalty to you guys but he's one of my best friends now. I love you both so much."

She's crying and I just hold her for a while.

"I need to talk to Emily; I'll leave you here to talk to them." She tells me. I ask her if she's sure and she says yes and walks away.

I feel weird talking to them so I just sit there for a while and think about them. Finally I get up to find her. She's standing at Edward's grave staring at it. I walk up behind her and she grabs onto me.

"After being with Paul I see how awful he really was and I hate him. But then I feel bad for hating him because I let him do it and now he's dead." She tells me.

"It's OK to hate him Bella. You can tell him whatever you need to tell him. And if it makes you feel better you can tell him you hate him and then forgive him." I tell her and she kneels down.

"You hurt me. You hit me and you told me I was stupid and worthless. You tried to break me and I was letting you. And then when I got away from you I realized I had people that didn't want to hurt me, people who just wanted to love me. I'm not happy you died because you were going to be out of my life one way or the other. But I'm stronger now and I see that you were the weak one. I forgive you Edward and I hope you have peace now." She gets up and walks to Emily and she breaks down.

"You left me!" She screams at her. Luckily we're the only ones here right now, probably because it's so early. She doesn't need witnesses to this. "You knew something was going to happen and you left me! You left me to take care of your boyfriend and your son and then Sam left me too! I needed you Emily. Sometimes I'm so lost and confused and I have people now but they aren't you." She looks at me and then keeps talking. "They don't know that I helped you break up Sam and Leah, they don't know that we got drunk the night you went to Sam's house and climbed in his window and got pregnant. They don't know that I refuse to drive because when I was 13 I had a dream that I killed a family when I ran a red light. They don't know that I don't go to the beach because I have a scar where one of my mom's boyfriend's hit me. I love Carson so much Emily and I try every day to be the best mom I can be to him and Paul is a really good dad. Some days I wake up to them and I'm so happy but then some days I remember why I'm waking up to them. I love you Emily and I would give it all up for you to be able to be his mom but since I can't I promise you I will do everything I can to make him happy."

Finally she walks to Sam's grave.

"I understand why you did it Sam. If it hadn't been for Carson I would have done it too. So thank you for saving my life and I hope you're happy with Emily. I promise to take care of Carson and Paul for the rest of my life."

Then she turns to me and says let's go. Once we get in the car she says she's not ready to go home yet.

"Embry used to take me to this place, it was 3 huge trees and they made like a little shelter in the middle. I tried to find it but I never could. Do you know where it is?" She asks me and I tell her yes and I drive her there. The 3 of us found it together but he begged us to let it be his spot. In his mind it was going to be their spot.

"Do you want me to come?" I ask her as I point out the trees. She says yes so we climb over the big roots and into the middle. "He was going to bring you here to tell you he loved you and he would help you leave Edward." I tell her and she starts crying. "He probably wouldn't mind if you wanted this to be your spot, even if you wanted to bring Paul here. Embry loved you; all he wanted was for you to be happy. If Edward had made you happy then he would have been happy with that. Paul makes you happy."

"No, this can be our spot OK? I love Paul but you and I have Jake and Embry in common. I mean I love you too but in a different way." She tells me sitting down on the ground and closing her eyes. I sit behind her and she leans back and we just sit for a while.

"Those things I told Emily…" She starts.

"They were meant for her and they will stay your secrets unless you choose otherwise." I tell her.

"Thank you Quil. I'm ready to go back now." I stand up and help her and she whispers good bye Embry, I love you and then we leave.


	12. Chapter 12

Bella's POV

Carson's 1st birthday party is just a small group because really we tend to stay to ourselves so who else would come? So it's just Paul and I and Quil and Leah and Emily's parents and Quil's mom. We made sandwiches and bought Carson way too many presents.

"I just hate that his birthday will always have this darkness to it." I tell Paul as he tries to hold Carson down to put him in his birthday outfit.

"I know baby but we can't change it. We just have to focus on the good. They would all want that." He points out and I know he's right. Of course Emily would want today to be all about Carson but even Jake and Embry and my dad would want me to be happy and focusing on Carson rather than sad and focusing on them.

Everyone is supposed to show up in about an hour, Leah should be back in just a few minutes, she went to pick up the cake.

There is a knock on the door and I think it must be Joy, Quil's mom or Linda and Carl, Emily's parents but they are very early. I tell Paul I will get it laughing since he's still fighting Carson. He prefers to run around in a diaper.

I open to door to Alison, Sam's mom.

"Why are you here?" I ask her. I'm not in the mood to play nice. Not today.

"Bella, I've made a lot of mistakes but he's my grandson. I just wanted to see him and tell him happy birthday and give him the present I have for him. I understand your hesitance but I promise you I am not here to cause problems for you."

"You tried to take him from me." I tell her.

"I thought he needed to be with family."

"He needs to be with people who love him and loved his parents."

"Yes, I understand that now. And I'm very grateful to you and Paul for taking care of him. I'm so sorry for trying to take him; I was upset over my son. And yes I know I kicked him out and didn't speak to him again and I have to live with that every day for the rest of my life."

Paul comes up behind me holding Carson and wraps his free arm around me and tells me it's up to me.

That's helpful I think.

"Come in." I tell her.

She comes in and sits on the couch and Paul sits next to her with Carson but Carson won't have anything to do with her. Like I said, we tend to stay to ourselves so he's not used to new people. Even with Emily's parents it takes him a little while to warm up because he only sees them maybe once a month. She's always saying he needs to be out more, be around more kids but my therapist says as long as he has a group of people that he feels safe with he'll be fine with people as he gets older. She did suggest possibly finding a small group of other kids his age for him to socialize with as he gets older as it would be good for him and me since I'm pretty much alone in the young mom department. I told her I would just convince Leah to get pregnant. Neither the therapist nor Leah was amused.

"He's shy." Paul tries to make her feel better.

Leah comes home with the cake and Quil comes in soon after her, he went to visit Embry's mom and Jake's dad. He asked if I wanted to come but I couldn't handle any more emotions today. I told him I would like to go soon though. Other than occasionally running into them around town I've been avoiding them.

"Hey Alison." Leah tells her, hugging her. She mentioned they were close before her and Sam broke up.

Paul pulls me into our room and asks if we're going to kick her out or let her stay for the party. I tell him he needs to decide this time.

"I guess she can stay as long as she doesn't cause any problems and as long as Emily's parents don't mind." He tells me and I call them. They say they don't mind as long as she doesn't say anything negative about Emily or Sam.

We go back into the living room and invite her to stay. She looks at us in shock and then tells us thank you, she would love to stay.

Soon Emily's parents show up followed by Quil's mom who Carson runs right up to. He sees her more on a weekly basis since she lives closer and we go there for dinner regularly.

She picks him up and hugs me and then Paul and Leah and asks us how we're doing. Leah and I both tell her it's hard but we're doing OK. It's kind of nice to have Carson's birthday as a distraction.

Linda keeps glancing at Alison waiting for her to say something wrong I think but to Alison's credit she keeps things nice.

Since Carson really has no idea what's going on we set the food out and everyone just kind of hangs out for a while before having cake and letting him open his presents.

"You two are doing a wonderful job." Linda tells Paul and I and I tell her thank you so much. It means a lot from coming from her. After about 3 hours of constant activity Carson gets whiny and Quil puts him down for a nap leaving just us and them and it's a little awkward without him but I'm not going to tell anyone they have to go. Everyone in this room lost someone they loved and if I've learned anything it's that it's best to be with people.

Then Quil starts talking about Jake and Embry and some of the stupid things they used to together and everyone is in tears laughing and from there everyone starts talking about the good and the bad memories about everyone we lost.

We're all laughing and crying and when Carson wakes up a couple of hours of later I'm seriously surprised at the time we spend just talking about them. After Carson is back to his happy self, everyone kisses him and tells us all good bye leaving me and Paul and Leah and Quil.

"That went surprisingly well." Leah says after everyone is gone.

We spent the rest of the day playing with Carson and his toys until late evening when after dinner, Leah leaves and Quil goes to the extra room taking a very sleepy Carson with him.

"We need a bigger house. I like Quil being here, he needs his own room. I'm trying to convince him to go to college but I know he won't go far so he'll still need a place to stay." I tell Paul as we sit on the couch enjoying the quiet after a long and emotional day.

"I can't afford a bigger house baby." He tells me with a hint of guilt in his voice.

"But I can. You never let me pay for anything except the things I buy to make clothes and my therapy and I haven't touched the money I got from the house sell. You can take really good care of me and you work hard but I make good money that for the most part just sits there. I can buy us a nice us house, we don't need anything huge. Maybe like a nice little 4 bedroom with nice yard. Carson needs a yard and I kind of want a dog, I've never had a dog. But anyways then we can have our room and Carson can have a room and Quil and then there will be an extra for you know, whatever." I tell him because I'm thinking a kid but I don't know where he stands on that and I wouldn't even consider it for a few more years. I'm 17.

"For a baby?" He asks smiling just that annoying I know you too well smile.

"Maybe in a few years." I tell him.

"I don't know baby, I don't like the thought of you using your money to buy a house. I'm supposed to take care of you, to provide for you."

"And you do, every day. Please just let me do this. For all of us." I beg him and maybe pout a little.

"You know I can't tell you no when you look at me like that. We'll start looking. I love you baby."

"Yay! I love you too! So much, more every day." I tell him kissing him.

"And just so you know… I love the thought of having a baby one day." He tells me and I smile and close my eyes and curl up against him.

I fall asleep on the couch with him and for the first time in weeks instead of having nightmares I see Emily and Sam and Jake and Embry sitting in a room watching TV. In the dream Emily turns around and smiles at me and tells me to come sit. I sit between her and Embry and I see that the TV is playing my life.

"We see it all and we're so proud of you. Tell Quil and Paul that too. We don't know why but only you can get dreams. The bad ones, about you losing Carson and Paul those are all your fear. The good ones, the memories, those are us. Let go of your fear Bella, you have all of us watching over you now." Jake tells me.

"The car accident?" I ask Emily.

"It would have happened if you had started driving when you could have but it's safe now." Emily tells me smiling. "Thank you for being his mom."

"Thank you for understanding Bella. I knew you would take care of Carson and Paul and that he would take care of you." Sam tells me.

"So when I talk to you, you can hear me?" I ask them.

"Yep, but this is like a one-time thing. You have to move on completely and you can't do that with us in your head. I love you Bella and I know you love me and I'm so happy you found someone to make you happy. That's all I ever wanted." Embry tells me and I tell him I know and thank you and I'm sorry. "Don't be sorry, not anymore." He kisses my forehead.

"You're dad and Sue said to tell you and for you to tell Leah that they are happy you are friends now and to leave the past behind, don't feel bad it took this for it to happen. They wanted to see you but they're holding Edward back." Jake tells me and I actually laugh. He smiles at me and tells me he loves me.

"Think about us but don't dwell on us. You have a new family now, focus on them." Emily tells me.

"Oh and Bella, Quil will believe you but Leah and Paul won't so tell Leah the secret is bananas and tell Paul that I told him it was going to be you to change his mind." Sam tells me and I don't understand but I tell him OK and then I wake up.

"Hey baby you OK?" Paul asks me rubbing my back when I wake up and sit up suddenly.

"They said their proud of us and I need to focus on my new family now. They're all together and happy. They watch us on a TV." I tell him and he looks at me like I've lost it for a minute.

"You're serious?" He asks me and I laugh and tell him yes. "Sam said to tell you he told you it was going to be me to change your mind."

"Shit. OK that's weird Bella." He tells me totally freaked out.

"What did he mean?" I ask him.

"OK back when we didn't like each other and I went from girl to girl and Emily had just got pregnant, Sam was talking about asking her to marry him but he wanted to wait until she was 18 so she didn't need parental consent. Anyways I told him he was stupid and marriage was pointless because no one lasts and it makes it harder to end things. Then he told me that one day I would find a girl that changed my mind and I would want to marry her more than anything. I told him I never spent enough time with one girl for that and he said it would be someone unexpected… like Bella, yep you're going to end up wanting to marry Bella he told me and he was laughing. I think he was joking… but he was right. You did change my mind and I want more than anything to marry you and for us to be a real family."

"Aww I love you."

"I love you too, let's go to bed."

For the first time since the accident I sleep with no memories, no dreams, no fear or worry. Just peace.


	13. Chapter 13

Quil's POV

Bella wakes me up by bouncing on my bed the morning after the party.

"What's up?" I ask her, I assume she's not just waking me up for the fun it.

"I saw them, all of them. Jake and Embry and Sam and Emily and my dad and Sue were there but they were keeping Edward from seeing me so I couldn't see them. They said they're proud of us and Embry told me he's happy I have Paul." She tells me and she looks so happy about it.

"Whoa, that's crazy. I didn't know that was possible. Did you ask Emily about your car accident dream?" I ask her not sure why I believe her but I do.

"Yeah I'm the crazy one." She mumbles and I look at her funny. "It's just weird how well you know me. Yes, I asked her and she said it would have happened if I had started driving when I turned 16 but it's fine for me to learn now. And they knew you would believe me and that Paul and Leah wouldn't so they sent messages for them. I'm about to go to Leah's to give her the message they sent for her. Do you want to come?" She asks and I tell her sure, just give me some time to get ready.

She leaves and I get dressed and she makes me breakfast. I hope I find a woman who can cook like her.

We head to Leah's and walk in, none of us knock anymore.

"Hey Carson!" Leah laughs as he jumps at her. "Hey guys, what's up? It's kind of early."

"I saw Emily and Sam and Jake and Embry and they told me to tell you that the secret is bananas." Bella tells her getting right to the point. "And that our parents are happy we're friends even though it's only because of what happened." Leah looks at her like she's nuts at first but then it's like something clicks.

"Her cookies. My mom made these oatmeal cookies, they were amazing but they didn't taste like normal oatmeal cookies and I've been trying to figure out why. Now that I think about it they do taste a little like banana, I was just so used to it I never picked up on it I guess. Let's go make some!" She grabs Bella hand and drags her to the kitchen leaving me and Car to play. I take him outside and he runs to the creek right behind her house. It's not very deep so I let him go in following him.

He splashes and laughs and I think how much I love this kid. I know I'm still young but sometimes I want what Bella and Paul have even though I know they would both give it all up to have Sam and Emily back. Actually I'm not so sure about that anymore. I don't think they would give each other up and I think if they could give Carson up in exchange for Emily and Sam to come back they would but only if they got to stay in his life.

He falls and stops and thinks about crying but then gets up and keeps playing. The creek goes down pretty far and ends up behind some other house without me realizing how far we've gone. Once I realize we're behind someone else's house I try to get him to back in the other direction but he's screaming no at me.

"It's OK, he can play there." A girl comes out and tells me. She's really, really pretty and I kind of just stare at her until Car notices her and grabs my leg. "We're the last house anywhere near here in this direction and I assume you came from Leah's house. You're Quil right?"

"Um yeah, I'm sorry I don't know you." I tell her feeling really stupid.

"I'm Taylor, I go to school with you but I'm only a freshman. Plus everyone knows about you because Bella is the girl who lost everything and then ended raising her dead friend's kid plus now she's with Paul so a lot of girls hate her. Not that she knows because you all seem to live in your own little world. Not in a bad way though. I'm sorry I should shut up." She's blushing and it's absolutely adorable.

"No, it's OK. You expect people to talk in a small town. And even if she did know she wouldn't care, neither of them would. They have each other and Car and that's all that matters to them." I tell her trying to make her feel better.

"You matter to them. You and Leah. But I get what you mean. But anyways my mom sent me out here to tell you he can play here. My mom is actually her therapist… but she doesn't tell me anything. Yeah I talk too much."

"It's OK; I trust that your mom doesn't talk to you about her. But um, is there any way I could talk to your mom? Not about her, more about me for just a second." I ask her and she says sure and runs off to get her.

"Hey Quil, I'm Jackie." She shakes my hand then waits for me to talk.

"Um, OK hi Jackie. I was just wondering um well Bella tells me that a lot of the things I tell her, you tell her and she wants me to go to college but I'm really not all that smart, I just read people well maybe and I get decent grades in school but this is a small town and I don't really have all the extra stuff that colleges like and well would I have a chance?" I ask her feeling dumber by the minute.

"I think you definitely have the mind for it, she tells me a lot of the things you tell her. As far as grades, they aren't as important as your SAT scores. Extracurricular stuff, you help run your mom's store for one, it's not all about school and sometimes it's all about life experience. You're a 17 boy helping his friend's raise their son. Plus you have your whole senior year to squeeze some stuff in. And if she would let you, Bella and everything you've done for her would make for an amazing college essay. I think you've helped her more than me. I'm close to telling her she doesn't need me anymore. If you're serious about this I would be more than happy to help you. Do you have any colleges you're interested in?"

"Oh no not really. I would like to stay close to here though." I tell her and she says that's totally doable.

Taylor comes outside and sits in a lawn chair up by her house. I try not to stare at her but it's really hard.

"She lost her dad in the explosion, she stays to herself now, if you can get her to open up I am all for you dating her." She tells me amused but serious.

"She knows a lot about Bella and all of us, she doesn't seem to stay to herself." I tell her.

"She acts like she talks about people but really she just listens to other people talk about people. The fact that she told you anything other than I don't mind the baby playing back here amazes me. Why don't you come over for dinner one night? Tomorrow good? We can talk about things more and you can get to know her better." She asks me smiling and I tell her sure.

She heads back to the house and Car and I keep following the creek until he gets tired and I end up carrying him back to Leah's. He gets heavy and I'm exhausted by time we get there and I walk in the house where they both look at me and laugh. Car is soaking wet and my shorts are wet as well as the splashes on my shirt.

"Take your clothes off we'll throw it all in the dryer." Bella orders and I look at her like she's crazy. I'm not walking around here with no clothes on but then Leah throws me some extra stuff. From her dad she says, he died a few years ago. Car is happy to run around in a diaper.

"So Bella, I ran into your therapist and her incredibly hot daughter." I tell her after I change. "She invited me to dinner to discuss possible college plans." I tell her hoping she's not upset I talked to her therapist.

"That's awesome!" She squeals. I should've known she wouldn't be upset. "I'll make you something to take." She tells me smiling.

"She also gave me permission to try to date her daughter." I tell her.

"Oh yeah Taylor is very quiet, she lost her dad in the explosion. You know sometimes I forget it was more than just the people we knew. That sounds selfish but I think that's all my mind could handle you know? But she's sweet; I can see you with her." She tells me happily. "Eat a cookie." She demands handing both me and Car one.

"These are amazing." I tell them.

"Banana." Leah tells me still in a little bit of disbelief.

_A/N I just wanted to say thanks for all the reviews! Even when I don't respond I appreciate them! I hope everyone continues to read and enjoy and review! _


	14. Chapter 14

Paul's POV

Bella doesn't want a wedding and while I get it I kind of wanted to see her in the whole white dress and veil thing.

She says it's dumb to have a wedding with just a few people and it would be too hard to not have anyone give her away.

Finally I tell her I really just want to see her in the white dress and the veil. She thinks about it and says fine but just a short ceremony and then we can have a party at our house and we have to wait until we move into the new house. Not to mention we have to wait until she's 18.

We plan on moving at the end of the month into what she calls an adorable little house with room for everyone, she turns 18 shortly after.

Quil is spending his nights here but when he's not working and doing stuff for school he spends most of his days with Taylor. Bella adores her and has them both over as much as possible. She's quit her therapy at the recommendation of her therapist who strangely enough also comes over to dinner once every couple of weeks or so. She's very nice and I am grateful to her for where Bella is today.

Right now Bella is standing in the middle of the living room slowly turning around. She's kind of creeping me out.

"Baby what are you doing?" I ask her cautiously. I love her but she's strange at times.

"I'm just thinking about how nothing here is really me. This whole house is your stuff and then Carson's stuff. I love it but I don't know…" She trails off. She's not the best communicator and neither am I. It's the biggest cause of our fights.

"You can set the new house up however you want." I tell her.

"But will you let me buy new stuff for it? I still have a little bit of money left from the insurance money, and I'm not paying for therapy anymore and I make decent money Paul. Please?" She asks me almost crying.

"Hey, hey don't cry baby. I'm so sorry I made you feel like you can't spend your money however you want. I just hate when you're buying things I should be buying."

"You pay all the rent for this house, and you buy all the groceries and everything we need. You work so hard to take care of us, I don't even work that hard, I love making clothes and it just happens to be that people will pay crazy amounts of money for adorable and unique baby clothes. And I don't want all new stuff, I like your stuff. Just a few things and some decorative stuff. Oh and a play set for Carson. And the puppy…" I laugh and tell her she can buy whatever she wants but I really think we should settle into the new house before we get the puppy and she agrees, not happily but still.

"Can you make dinner tonight? I kind of want to walk to the bookstore. I'll take Carson."

"I could drive you to the bookstore and we could get dinner but yeah I can make dinner if you want to walk."

"I don't mind getting dinner; it's just that sometimes Carson and I spend a lot of time there. Like a couple of hours. We sit there and read the books and he likes to play with the blocks and the trains they have there and then I look through all the books even though they hardly ever get new books and I just don't want you to get bored. Why don't we get dinner and then you can take us and we can walk back?"

"Tell me the truth; do you want me to drop you off because it's yours and Carson's thing?" I ask her and she sighs and says yes.

"Alright then we'll go to dinner and I'll drop you off. But it's going to be late so you're going to call me and I'm going to come pick you up." She agrees and after she's sure I'm not upset she goes to get ready.

The diner is being rebuilt though I'm not sure anyone will ever go there even if it's the only option close. The next closet restaurant is about 30 minutes away but it's worth it. The book store is only 10 minutes from home but she doesn't need to walk at night with Carson, or without Carson. She needs to learn to drive. She let me try to teach her once, she almost hit a squirrel and she gave up. She says she likes walking. I'm going to have to buy her a bike at least because the new house is a little farther away. I'll put one of the baby seats on it for Carson.

"You should have a thing with Carson too." She tells me in the car.

"I do, it's called football." She rolls her eyes but she can't really argue. The kid sits with me every game and Bella locks herself in the room sometimes or sometimes she goes walking or sometimes she hangs out with Leah. She does make us food for the games even though I tell her she doesn't have to. She loves us.

When we get to the restaurant Bella asks for her favorite waitress, she says she the only one that doesn't flirt with me. She's insanely jealous when girls talk to me which I find amusing because she's with Quil almost as much as she is with me. She says he doesn't count because Leah doesn't count. I pointed out that I don't really hang out with Leah and she said maybe I should start. Then Quil told me as soon as she left the room that she would be insanely jealous if I start hanging out with Leah. I told him I know but I think it's cute when she's jealous. Not that I try to make her jealous, I'm not a jerk. At least I try not to be a jerk. I'm sure I have my jerk moments.

"So your birthday is coming up, I want to start the process for you to adopt Carson." I tell her and she asks why. "So he'll legally be yours too, just in case anything happens."

"Oh, OK. Should we change his name to your last name?" He has Sam's last name now.

"I don't know, I mean he's ours and he's just a baby, he's not even going to remember Sam. It would make sense for him to have our last name; I mean if you're going to take my last name." I ramble and she smiles.

"Of course I want to take your last name, and I think Carson should have it too."

Once our food comes and we eat I drop them off at the book store and go home where Quil is making out with Taylor on my couch.

"Dude you have a room, use it." I tell him so he grabs her hand and leads her to his room. I wonder if I should be concerned but I figure her mom has to know what she's doing here, she's a therapist, they know things.

I clean up the house and turn on my iPod and draw. I used to draw all the time but taking care of Bella and then Bella and Carson kind of took up a lot spare time and I just kind got out of the habit. But I want to draw her, I need a wedding gift for her and she's really not into stuff. I'm honestly surprised she wants to buy stuff for the new house. I'm glad she's not into stuff because I can't give her much. I feel bad that I used to accuse her of being with Edward for the money. I don't deserve her at all.

An hour later Quil comes out with Taylor to take her home.

"That's really pretty Paul." She tells me quietly. She's just starting to talk to me; she spent the last year not really talking to anyone according to Quil.

"Thanks Taylor, it's her wedding present." I tell her smiling.

"Are you going to go on a honeymoon?" She asks.

"I don't really know yet. I hope so but I don't know if she'll leave Carson overnight."

"You have to try, she deserves a honeymoon and it has to be somewhere far from here. Because even if she thinks it can be close it can't because in a town this small everywhere has memories. Take her somewhere completely new and not reminding her of here at all." She tells me and then she bounces off with Quil following her and telling me he'll be back in a little while.

I keep drawing but now I'm thinking about the honeymoon too. I don't have a lot of money and she is not paying for it. I really don't even know what she likes to do outside of Carson, he's her life now and I don't really know what she did before. I know she reads and apparently went skating and that she and Embry spent a lot of time in the woods before she started dating Edward. With Edward I think they mostly hung out with his brother and sister shopping and going to movies. I'm pretty sure her and Emily used to get drunk in the woods a lot. So basically no woods and she doesn't like the beach.

It needs to be fun; she doesn't have enough fun. Of course this is assuming she'll even leave Carson.

Quil comes back and hands me a brochure for some resort a couple of hours away from here.

"Jackie says they have a lake for canoeing and horseback riding and a spa and on they offer different classes like photography and cooking and tons of other stuff. And if you let her book it she can get you a discount on it because she sends a lot of her marriage counseling people there. She says it might be perfect for Bella because it's all stuff she probably hasn't done plus it's a totally set your own pace kind of thing. You can spend the entire time in your room or there are enough activities to be busy the entire time." I tell him thanks; I will talk to her about it.

About 15 minutes later Bella walks in and Carson comes running to me and Quil to show us the train he got.

"I thought you were going to call me Bella." I tell her trying not to sound mad, Edward really messed her up and she gets upset really easily if she thinks I'm mad at her.

"I thought you loved me Paul, so I guess neither one of us has any idea what's going on." She tells me and then storms off into the room.

Quil looks at me like what did you do… but I have no idea.


	15. Chapter 15

Quil's POV

Bella walks in mad. Like I've never seen her so mad and she used to get mad at me all the time. I think that was more annoyed mad, this is like an if your weren't my son's father I might kill you mad look. Then she tells Paul she thought he loved her and then locks herself in their room. Car is babbling about his train and Paul is trying to look like he cares but he's worried.

"Do you have any idea what that was about?" He asks me but I don't have a clue. She was fine earlier today.

"She was fine when I dropped her off and she told me she would call me so I could go pick them up. Dinner was fine, she was fine." He tells me slightly panicking. I don't blame him, he spent a long time avoiding emotions and now he has to deal with teenage girl emotions. She might be an awesome mom and she'll probably be a good wife but in the end she is still a 17 year old girl. Paul is 5 years older than her and I think he stuck to girls his age or older before. "Should I go talk to her or should you go talk to her?" He asks.

I tell him I'll try, there is no way she's opening the door for him and if he picks the lock she might kill him even with him being her son's father. I knock on her door and yell it's me and she opens the door, pulls me in and slams it shut.

Car starts crying and guilt flashes in her eyes and then she starts crying.

"Hey, Paul can handle Car. Do you want to tell me why you totally flipped out on him out there?" I ask her calmly, I don't need her mad at me too.

"He's cheating on me. I mean I shouldn't be surprised because I'm just me and he likes older girls and I'm not even pretty at all and I'm not all that smart and he probably hates that I don't work but I can't stand the thought of leaving Carson. He's probably going to take Carson and leave me." She tells me crying all over me and completely serious.

"Why do you think he's cheating on you?"

"Because when I was at the book store this girl comes up to me and she's like hi Bella, I'm sorry you couldn't make it to dinner with Paul and me the other night. And I asked what night and she said Tuesday night. He told me he was working Tuesday night!" She screams at me.

"You need to chill out. This house is tiny and Car doesn't need to hear you so upset. Bella I really don't think he's cheating on you, why would this girl say anything to you if he was?" I ask her knowing very well that if he is cheating the girl would be telling her to cause problems.

"Because that's what girls do? Screw each other over!" She screams a tiny bit quieter.

"OK, OK. So you're going to take this what this girl says over what he says when you just admitted she could be screwing with you? Just talk to him OK? And if it turns out he is cheating I will kill him myself. Just give him the chance to explain please?" She says fine so I go to watch Car while they talk. And by talk I mean fight. And by fight I mean Bella screaming at Paul. I really hope the girl is lying because if he lied she's not going to take that well at all even if he's not actually cheating.

"What did she tell you?" He asks when I walk out.

"That you're cheating on her."

"Why would she think that?" He asks and he really does seem to be confused about it which is a good thing. Not that's she'll see that in her anger.

"Some girl at the bookstore told her she's sorry she couldn't make it to dinner with you and her on Tuesday and you told Bella you were working on Tuesday." I explain hoping he denies the whole thing. I would believe him.

"Oh shit. I'm not cheating on her, I wouldn't do that to her. I love her, I want to marry her. Oh this is bad, so bad." He starts flipping out so most likely he did have dinner with this woman telling Bella he was working.

"You're a liar." She yells at him as she comes out of the room.

"Baby I am not cheating on you and I'm sorry I lied but I didn't want to worry you about anything until I knew more." He tries to move towards her but she comes to me and he looks like she just broke his heart.

"You're going to need to explain and quickly." I tell him.

"Right, her name is Kristy and I slept with her while you were dating Ryan, I love you and I loved you then but it killed me to watch you go out with him. It was only her and it was only once. But she's pregnant and she thinks the baby might be mine and if it is she says I can take full custody or she's going to give it up for adoption. I told her you couldn't make it but really I wasn't going to tell you until after it's born and I knew for sure." He tells her and I watch all her facial expression. She settles on the expression for I'm about to murder you.

"So you just thought you would lie to me and then meet with this woman you already slept with and then keep lying to me until the baby is born? You were going to marry me knowing there is a kid out there who you might be taking full custody of? You never thought that maybe I deserved to know that before I married you?"

I'm going to have to take her side on this one.

"Baby, Kristy sleeps with a lot of men; I kind of just figured the chances of me being the father are so slim that there was no need to worry you about it."

"So if it turns out to be yours what? You were just going to bring it home and be like oh by the way here's a baby?" She asks him.

"I hadn't thought that far yet! I just found out a week ago!" He yells at her. Dumbass. She leans into me and cries. She hates being yelled at and this is totally his fault. "I'm sorry for yelling baby, please come here."

She picks up a book and throws it at him.

"OK, I'm going to take Car with me to the room." Before this spirals completely out of control I think. "Please try to keep it down and not kill each other." I tell them both, kiss her head and then grab Car and his train.

_A/N Should the baby be his or not? _


	16. Chapter 16

Bella's POV

I threw a book at him and then told I was walking to Leah's. In true Paul fashion he if asked if he could please drive me, I told him fine, threw some stuff in a bag and got in the car.

"I am so sorry baby." He tells me as I get out.

"I know you are but that doesn't change the fact that you might have a baby and that you weren't going to tell me about it. I'll be back in time for you to leave for work in the morning." I tell him and then shut the door. He watches me walk into her house and then drives off.

"Hey Bella, Quil called me. Are you OK?" Leah asks when I walk in.

"I don't even know. I'm just really tired. I can't believe he did this Leah."

"Slept with someone?" She asks.

"No! That is not the issue. I was dating Ryan! I don't even care that he didn't tell me about it because I didn't really need to know and I would have just felt guilty because he only did it because I was just being stupid about Ryan but he should have told me about it as soon as she came to him. I should have been at dinner with him. I love him Leah but I hate him right now. "I tell her crying and I l follow her to her living room where she throws me a blanket and puts on reruns of House.

"Do you want to talk about it or just pretend the problem doesn't exist for the night?" She asks me and I tell her I want to pretend the problem doesn't exist for the night.

I close my eyes and think about all this crap. I'm so mad that he lied but it was the first time and I'm sure I can get over it. But I don't know if I can take responsibility for another baby. I love Carson but that's so different, he lost his parents and he was always going to a big part of my life. I love Paul and I don't want him to turn his back on his kid but I don't know if I can do it. Leah thinks I'm asleep so she calls Paul and tells him I'm sleeping and she'll try to talk to me in the morning.

"I'm not asleep."

"I know but there was no chance of him even considering sleep until he knew you were asleep and he has Carson to deal with. He sounds awful Bella." She tells me quietly.

"He lied to me." I tell her sitting up. "And I just don't know if I want to raise Paul's and some one night stands kid."

"OK, he shouldn't have lied but let's just pretend you already got over that. Can you really either leave him over a mistake or ask him to not raise his own kid?" She asks.

"I would never ask him not to take it but I really don't know if I can handle another kid. I mean I love Carson so much but I'm 17 and before Carson and Paul I didn't even want kids. But with him I know that they'll be loved and taken care of but I thought maybe we would have our own kid in like 5 years or something. Once I'm done with school and we're hopefully a bit more financially secure. I love him and I don't want to lose him but I just don't know if I can do this."

"You need a break, you need to leave Carson and Paul and just take off somewhere for a week. Do you have any money left? I have some money, we could both go. I don't think you should be alone and I know Quil loves you but he's going to want you to forgive Paul. I mean I hope you can forgive him too but I won't push it."

"I can't leave Carson, Paul works and Quil's in school." I tell her.

"Maybe Emily's parents could keep him." She suggests and I think about it but tell her no, they live too far away to go back and forth and he can't spend a whole week away from all of us. "See Bella this is probably part of the problem. You're 17 and you went from drinking in the woods and shopping with your boyfriend to being a full time mom. OK, if we can find a good solution for Carson will you go with me somewhere for a week?" She asks and I think about it.

"I think it would be nice."

"Quil's mom?"

"Maybe. I'll talk to her about it. Can you get a week off?" She says yes, her boss has been trying to get her to take a break anyways. Since I didn't need her to keep Carson anymore she took a full time job as a receptionist for a doctor.

"Can Carson and I stay here for a while?" I ask her and she says of course.

Paul won't be happy but I need to figure out where I stand on this and I can't do that being with him every night.

I fall asleep on the couch watching House and wake up the next morning confused for a minute until everything comes back to me.

Leah is in the kitchen making breakfast and I wander in and sit down, she hands me a plate and tells me she took off a week starting one week from today so I have a week to make arrangements for Carson and for us to figure out where we're going.

"My step dad has a beach house in Florida he might let us use. And he might even buy my plane ticket. He called me a couple of months ago after figuring out my mom was lying about me not returning her calls and told me he's so sorry and if I need or want anything to let him know. I have money left but if I leave Paul then I will have to pay everything with the money I make from my store and I don't know if I can do it."

"Bella you bought the house in cash so you wouldn't have rent, just insurance and taxes I guess. You could rent out one of the rooms plus you know Paul will make sure Carson is taken care of and honestly he's going to make sure you're taken care of too." She tells but I tell her no, I won't let him continue to take care of me if I leave him, Carson yes of course but not me.

She tells me to go call my step dad and he says yes we can use the house and he will buy both of our place tickets. Then I tell her I need to go home and talk to Paul before he goes to work and then I will pack stuff for Carson and me for the week.

When I get home Carson runs up to me yelling mommy! I feel bad for not being here when he woke up and that makes me wonder if I can leave him for a whole week. But I think I need this, I need time to think about what I really want to do with this Paul/baby thing. Sure there is a chance the baby isn't his but my decision can't be based on that. It has to be based on whether I love him enough to be with him if the baby is his.

Quil kisses my head and then takes Carson outside to play while we talk.

"I love you Paul but I don't know if I can raise someone's kid. I know Carson isn't mine but he was Emily's and he was always going to be a part of my life. I'm 17 and I just don't know if I can handle another kid right now. So for this week I am staying with Leah and next week, as long as I can find someone to take care of Carson we are going to fly to my stepdad's beach house for a week. I need a break from being the girl I've been since I lost everyone who mattered to me. I need to figure out what I want. When I get back I will tell you my decision. "

"I will take the week off and watch Carson, I have the vacation time but Bella the baby might not be mine. Probably is not mine and even if it is I chose you." He tells me.

"No you deserve to have your kid and the kid deserves to have you. I will not let you not take it if it is yours. If I decide I can't handle you with a baby then when I get back I will stay with Leah until I can move in the new house. And we will work out a schedule with Carson and you will always be a huge part of my life." I tell him crying.

"Is this your way of punishing me for sleeping with her?" He asks me sadly and I almost give in and tell him forget it.

"No Paul I'm not upset about that. I don't have the right to be. We were not together because I was determined to date Ryan to prove some stupid point. You were free to do whatever you wanted. This isn't even about you lying to me because while I'm still very pissed about that it was the first time and I get that you wanted to protect me. I get that you've never been in a real relationship and I've never been in a good relationship. We're both going to screw up. This is really about me trying to decide if I can do this. If I can be the mother to your baby."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I know but I have to do this. How do you want to do this week? Do you want Carson for the nights or do you want to come see him over there or what?"

"How about Quil picks him up after school and I'll drop him off at Leah's on the way to work? That way you don't even have to see me." He tells me.

"Paul I'm so sorry. I feel like this is all my fault, if I haven't been so stupid about Ryan…"

He kisses me to shut me up and when he pulls away he tells me he loves me and he understands why I need to this.

"I love you too." I whisper as he walks out for work. Quil comes back in and hands me Carson and leaves for school. I pack our stuff up and then head back to Leah's where it's just us because she's already at work.

I feel so alone already even though I'm usually alone with Carson during the day.


	17. Chapter 17

Leah's POV

I am very excited about my week in Florida. I've never been, I've never really been very far from home at all. Bella on the other hand has been all over the country and to the beach house countless times so instead of being excited she's flipping out about leaving Carson and Paul, even though she's been staying with me.

When we dropped Carson off she let Paul kiss her and I thought I was going to have to pull her off of him. I'm hoping this week makes her realize she can't live without him and that in the end she would rather raise his kid then lose him. They need each other. I'm a little jealous sometimes. The four of us all lost someone and we formed this misfit group. All of us either didn't know each other all that well or in the case of Bella didn't even like each other. But now Paul and Bella have each other and Quil has Taylor. I want that, I want someone to get lost in.

Once we get to the beach house I'm in awe of how huge it is but of course Bella just acts like this is all perfectly normal and it hits me that I barely know her. I know her as Bella the girl who was best friends with the girl that stole my boyfriend (and I'm pretty sure she helped her do it) and Bella who lost everyone and Bella Carson's mom and Paul's girlfriend. I know she used to drink with Emily in the woods and she loved Embry but I don't know anything about the Bella that grew up with money. The Bella that is not affected at all by the first class plane tickets her step dad sent or this huge beautiful beach house. The Bella that refused her step dads money when her mom made her go live with her dad. It's hard to imagine this Bella, the one that is happy with a man who will never be able to give her anything like this is the Bella that grew up here.

We get in and she walks to a note on the coffee table with her name on it and reads it out loud.

_Bella, _

_I'm so happy you're taking this time for you and I am so sorry about the way your mom treated you. After your vacation I am going to leave her. I don't want her bothering you this week. I would love to be a part of your life. I know your mom went through a lot of men while you were growing you but for the past 5 years I have considered you like a daughter. _

_I had the people who take care of the house stock it with food and in the drawer next to the stove there are gift cards to local restaurants and attractions and some cash since I know you probably won't spend much time on the beach. What you don't use of the cash you can just take home and the gift cards you can either keep for another time or there is a woman's shelter not far that would love to have them. If you need anything please call me. _

_I love you honey, I'm sorry that I didn't step in when you probably really needed me. _

_Phil_

I count the cash, $1000. Damn, I need a guilty step dad.

"I'm pretty tired Leah, you want to just hang out here for the day and then we'll go out tomorrow?" Bella asks yawning and I tell her yeah that's fine with me but I might go out to the beach in a little while.

She shows me around the house with its killer bathtubs and insanely comfortable beds.

Then we check out the fridge and pantry which has been stocked with every possible junk food imaginable plus fresh fruits and veggies and a billion other random ingredients I'm guessing Bella knows what to do with. I can cook but it's pretty basic stuff.

"This is amazing, the stuff I can make with this…" I can see all the possibilities flash before her eyes.

"You usually cook such simple stuff; I don't even know what half of this stuff is." I tell her and she laughs.

"I cook simple because that's all you can get in our tiny little grocery store. And even if they did carry this stuff Paul can't afford it and he doesn't like me buying groceries with my money."

"Does it bother you?" I ask her and she thinks about it.

"It doesn't bother me that he can't afford it. He works hard and I think if he thought I really wanted something he would do anything to get it for me. It does kind of bother me that he doesn't like me to use my money because for the most part it just sits there. But I don't want to argue with him about it because I get it's like a pride thing. But I don't know… after this week I might demand some better ingredients occasionally. It's funny really, until I was 12 and Phil came along we only ate frozen dinners and ramen and stuff like that but then Phil introduced us to all this stuff, the fancy crap, my mom called it. She had no interest in cooking so Phil taught me. And now it's like in between I guess, I hardly ever use frozen anything it's just like you said… simpler. But right now I want… ice cream. I'm going to put a movie on, if you want to go to the beach go right ahead."

"Maybe later, I am pretty tired too." I grab a bag of chips and she shows me their movie collection. Wow. There is Disney and action and comedy and romance and everything imaginable. "Oh I haven't seen The Little Mermaid in forever!" I tell her and she laughs and turns it on.

Half way through I start crying and she pauses it and asks what's wrong.

"My mom told me once that she wanted to be the first one to watch all the Disney movies with her future grand kids. She was a Disney freak. It's not fair that I lost them both." I tell her sobbing on her shoulder. I usually keep this kind of stuff to myself but it feels safe here so far from home so for the first time I open up about my parents and she listens and cries with me and for me and then we turn the movie back on and pretend everything is fine.

After it's over she tells me she's going to take a bath and then start dinner and I decide to go to the beach for a little while. I don't know what her issue with the beach is but I plan on figuring it out and hopefully getting her over it but we go home.

I take a towel and lay it out and just lay in the sun until I get hit by a beach ball.

"I am so sorry." The most amazingly hot man tells me over and over.

"It's OK." I tell him and he runs off after smiling the most gorgeous smile ever. I watch him play with his friends but after they stop he comes back and sits with me.

"So you're not one of the regulars here." He tells me.

"There are regulars at the beach?"

"This part of the beach yes, only the beach house owners and their families come here and we all know each other for the most part."

"Oh well I'm the friend of the step daughter of a beach house owner."

"Bella?"

"Yep."

"Awesome, is she coming down? I'm Kyle by the way."

"She hates the beach, don't know why. And I'm Leah."

"She hates the beach because she has a scar on her back. Her mom always makes her come down anyways. I've never known them to bring guests." Ah well one mystery solved but now I'm extremely curious to how she got the scar. None of my business but still.

"Oh well it's just us this time. I don't know how well you know her but I'm guessing she's nothing like the person you knew before. I'll tell her you said hi though." I tell him and he looks at me like he wants to push but he doesn't.

"So then she's going to sit in the house and eat junk food?" He asks and I laugh and tell him I think that's the plan.

"So is she seeing anyone, she's too serious for me, though she seems like she has a wild side hidden in there somewhere, but my best friend has wanted her for years, but Phil is scary."

"She's engaged pending reevaluation. She also has a kid and a very protective male best friend. So I think it's best your friend stays away."

"Holy crap, she has a kid?"

"Yep, but I don't really feel right talking about her. So…"

"Oh yeah right so can you hang out this week or is all like a girl bonding thing?" He asks.

"Let me talk to Bella, but I have a feeling she's going to want to be alone a lot this week." I tell him honestly.

"I get you don't want to talk about her, but is she OK?" He asks concerned.

I tell him I really don't know. She needs Paul but she's stubborn. If she decides she can't accept the baby if it ends up being his she's going to break it off with him and possibly destroy them both. I told her I wouldn't push and I won't but really the plan is for her to realize how much she misses him.

Simple and smart… as long as it works.


	18. Chapter 18

Paul's POV

I hate this. I hate that she needs to decide if she can accept the baby when it might not even be mine. I kind of understand but I hate it.

She's been gone for 3 days and Carson is miserable. He's used to her putting him to bed and singing a song that apparently sounds awful when I sing it and making him breakfast every morning and then spending all day with him. She isn't even talking to me on the phone but she is at least talking to Quil so I know she's OK.

Apparently her step dad is rich and she is having a blast cooking with his rich people food in his rich people kitchen in his rich people house. I can't give her any of that.

Quil says all of it never really even impressed her from the way she talked about it when she would talk to Jake and Embry except the food. She loves expensive and exotic foods. He says I need to stop making her feel guilty about spending the money she makes so she can buy the things she wants.

If it really makes her happy then I will let her do anything she wants.

After taking care of Carson all day long I definitely understand why she wouldn't want another kid right now. Mine or even ours. He is exhausting even though he's a good kid. He's constantly busy and trying to accomplish anything with him is nearly impossible. I kind of feel bad that the house is spotless and she makes dinner every night. If she comes back to me I'm going to make sure she knows I don't care about all that. All I care about is her and Carson being here when I get home.

Kristy is due in a couple of months and she's pretty determined the baby is mine. She keeps asking me to go to her doctor's appointments but I told her no. If it ends up being mine I will take custody but I don't want to get involved with her at all.

Leah is spending most of her time with some guy she met down there who is friends with Bella from when she used to come down with her mom and step dad.

If she comes back and decides she doesn't want to be with me anymore I'm not just going to let her go. I will fight for her for the rest of my life if that's what it takes.

Bella's POV

I've been here for 3 days and I miss Paul so much. It's been a week and 3 days now and I know I can't live without him forever.

I love him and I want him to be my family.

But things are going to have to change. I'm going to use my money for whatever I want for starters. And another concern I have is as of right now I make all the major decisions for Carson and that's mentally exhausting. He's a great dad physically but he needs to be more involved in the overall picture. Also he needs to understand that if I'm taking care of a newborn the house might not look as nice as it always looks now and we'll probably be eating a lot more take out.

When Carson was a newborn Sam helped a lot until he started drinking and Emily's mom helped a lot. And then when I started school he spent the days with Leah.

Finally he needs to understand that if the woman hands over her kid and leaves that she will be signing over her rights and I will be adopting this baby along with Carson. I'm not going to raise it and then lose it too some slut.

Leah is down at the beach with Kyle, while the money Phil had never really mattered to me Leah loves the rich lifestyle. The clubs and restaurants and gifts. Yeah in 3 days.

"Bella!" She yells from living room and I walk out.

"Hey I thought you would be Kyle all day." I tell her. She asked me if I was OK with her hanging out with him and honestly I am because I didn't want to have to entertain her and show her around. I wanted some peace and quiet.

"I'm staying with him for the rest of his vacation and then I'm moving to Maine with him. So I figured I should spend the rest of the week with you." She tells me nervously.

"Are you sure? I mean Kyle and his family are good people but you've only known him a few days." I ask her.

"I'm sure. I love him. I know it's crazy but you should understand crazy. You're going to marry a man you hated and your best friends are people you didn't really like a little over a year ago."

"How did you know I decided to stay with him?" I ask her.

"Last night when you talked to Quil you didn't cry and I knew you had decided to go back to him. I doubt you'll even last the week so we have what today and tomorrow?"

"I was actually hoping to leave tomorrow but this changes things."

"Yes! Give me today and tomorrow and you can leave early the next day. When are you going to tell him?"

I tell her when I go home but she says that all the torture I feel away from him is probably even worse for him not knowing.

"We didn't use any of the cash, and I don't need my ticket. You should have him fly here with Carson for the rest of his week off." She suggests and it's a great idea I think.

Of course with Paul being Paul it takes some convincing but they arrive late the next day. With the weekend we can stay 3 more days.

I didn't want to tell him anything over the phone so Leah picks him up from the airport and takes Carson to the beach so we can talk.

"Bella." He whispers my name as soon as our eyes meet.

"I'm so sorry Paul that I made you wait." I tell him.

"But you've decided?" He asks anxiously.

"I can't live without you and if that means raising your baby then we'll get through it together. You're my family and I love you so much." I tell him and he breathes out in relief and kisses me.

After we break apart I tell him things have to change and I have to be sure of certain things before it's all OK.

"Anything baby."

"OK, first off… money means very little to me but from now on if I have it I will spend it however I want. I would like to help you pay the bills but I will start helping with the groceries because I want and can afford things that we don't get right now. I love cooking Paul and I got used to a certain kind of cooking and it's not really important but I enjoy it and I can afford it and I will do it."

"How about you let me pay the bills and you can do all the grocery shopping? And anything else you want to do with your money is fine." I agree to that.

"OK then if I am going to raise your baby then I need to know that I am not going to lose the baby should anything happen between us or should Kristy decide to pop back up. I love Carson more than I thought was possible and I imagine I will end up feeling the same way about this kid."

"She already said she would sign over all her rights and we can do the adoption for Carson and the baby at the same time." Agreed.

"And finally you have to understand that if I'm taking care of Carson and a newborn the house is not going to stay all sparkly clean and there is good chance dinner isn't getting made every night. Carson is exhausting; I can't even imagine adding a newborn to the mix. Plus you need to start being more involved in the decision making for him. I didn't realize how hard it is to do it alone until I didn't have to think about anything for a couple of days. "

"Baby I was going to tell you I don't care if the house is that clean or if you don't always make dinner. Taking care of him is hard. I don't know how you do it. And I will help you more."

"I do it because I love him and because I love you. And it makes me happy; I just don't want to have to worry about it you know?"

He tells me I don't have to worry about anything, that he'll love me no matter what.

"But Bella, seeing you here and knowing what you came from, can you really spend your life with me when I can never give you any of this?" He asks.

"You think I'm that shallow?" I ask him honestly hurt. No one knew about my step dad's money except Jake and Embry so I don't think I'm stuck up or anything.

"No, I don't think you're shallow at all, I just don't want you to one day resent me and Carson and the life we have. I know you wanted to go to college and you still can if you want. I just don't want you to feel like you're giving up anything for me."

"I'm not giving up anything. Raising Carson and being with you and my online store is all I want right now. If I ever change my mind about college then I will tell you and I know we can make it work."

"I love you baby and I am so sorry about everything." He tells me holding me like he's afraid I'm going to change my mind and disappear.

"Don't be sorry, not anymore. Let's just spend the rest of our time here with Carson and deal with life as it needs dealt with." He kisses me and I feel like I can finally breathe.

We go down to find Leah and Carson and find them throwing a beach ball back and forth with Kyle. Carson comes running to me screaming mommy and I pick him and hold him tight. I don't ever want to be away from him that long again. Maybe a night or two but no more.

"I love you Carson." I tell him and he says love you too in his cute little baby voice. Paul introduces himself to Kyle and they get along really well. He's still not happy when he finds out Leah is moving with him because it's so quick but we tell her if she needs or want to come home we will make sure she gets there.

That night as I curl up with Paul on the couch, Carson crashed on the other couch, he runs his fingers through my hair and tells me everything about his days with Carson and how much he missed me and I know I made the right decision as I drift off to sleep.

"Bella!" I turn to the sound of my name and see Sam.

"Sam! I thought I wasn't allowed to see you anymore." I tell him hugging him and very happy.

"You can only see me because we were the least involved and only because you've made your decision."

"About Paul?" I ask him.

"Of course, what else would it be about? Anyways Embry and Emily begged for you to see a glimpse of your future, they used the car accident you didn't have as a bargaining tool. But this seriously is the last time. Probably, Emily and Embry make a surprisingly good team. You can pick to see one thing in the future if you want too."

"Do I want to?" I ask him nervously.

"Yes!" I hear Jake yell but I can't see him.

"You can only see me, I told you. Not as close as the rest of them. Bring one of them down and they would probably tell you every detail of the rest of your life. They love you. I love you in a way. You know that right?"

"I do know that." I tell him quietly. "I want to see if the baby is his."

He tells me to close my eyes and I will see what I'm supposed to see.

I see myself in the new house chasing Carson around in the backyard and laughing and then Paul walks out with the most adorable little girl in the world.

He puts her down and she runs after Carson but she trips and hits her knee and starts screaming and she has huge tears rolling down her cheeks. Paul gets to her fast but she's screaming for me. Other me runs to her and I can see in her eyes, my eyes, the love she has for her.

"It's OK Brenna; it's going to be OK." She tells her and carries her off into the house to clean it up and put a glittery band aid on it.

Paul and Carson come in shortly after and she gives both the kids cookies and puts on a movie.

"You ready for the next one?" Paul asks her rubbing her stomach and she says she thinks so but this one is it.

"All this waiting is so hard." She laughs. "With Carson I had no idea he would end up my son and then I dreaded Brenna being born because I was so afraid I wouldn't love her enough."

"I always knew you would love her like your own." He tells me so sure of himself.

"You were right too. I can't imagine my life any different. Though this one could have waited a couple of years." She tells him rubbing her stomach.

"She's just in a hurry to play with her brother and sister." He kisses me and then it's gone.

I open my eyes and Sam is standing there watching me.

"She's his?" I ask him quietly.

"Yep. But you love her and Carson loves her and you are all so happy together. Not to say there won't be problems but there won't ever be a problem you and Paul can't face together. Oh and I'm not supposed to tell you this but I'm pretty sure this really is the last time… your baby, the one you were pregnant with will be fine. We all love you Bella."

I wake up to Paul staring at me funny.

"You love Sam?" He asks me and I laugh and tell him yes in a way I do.

"The baby, she's ours. Her name is Brenna. I used to name all my baby dolls Brenna." I tell him.

"Sam told you this?" He asks and I tell him yep.

"We're going to be OK." I tell him and he smiles and kisses me.


	19. Chapter 19

Paul's POV

"Is she OK?" I ask Quil for the 10th time in the last 5 minutes.

"She's fine, just a little bit nervous. She loves you, she wants this. Now stop asking if she's OK."

I haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon. She spent the night with Leah and Carson spent the night with Joy so both of us could sleep. I haven't seen her dress. She told me the only reason we were having this wedding is for the dress and the veil so I didn't get to see it until she walked down the aisle, which is in our backyard. She's being walked down by Quil but she's happy I think.

Brenna is due in a month and I've told Kristy that we would both like to be there for her birth even though I still have my suspicions. Bella is convinced and so is Quil and that's good enough for me. Of course we will still do a DNA test to prove I'm the father so Kristy can sign her over to me.

Bella painted her room in a forest theme and Carson's room in a train theme. I think the forest is a little scary for a newborn but Bella is taking this insanely well so I'm not going to fight anything unless it really matters. I think Bella is taking it better than I am. It sucks that I slept with this girl once and now I'm going to have a daughter. I worry about how well Bella will handle it. I wonder how I will handle it.

Carson comes running into the room with Joy following him and I pick him up and ask him where he's running too. He babbles something then demands down.

Leah walks into the room with a scary look on her face.

"It's Kristy; she's at the hospital in labor. She says you probably have time to get married."

Yeah this is great. The kid that isn't even hers is about to ruin Bella's wedding. The wedding I talked her into.

"It's up to her; she's the one that wants to be there for the birth." I tell Leah and she sends Quil in to ask her because he's better when she flips out.

He comes out, says she thinks it's hilarious because if it was up to her we would have been married a week ago at the courthouse and we better hurry this shit up.

30 minutes later we're married and speeding to the hospital.

"You could have changed." I tell her into car. She's wearing white but it's not what I pictured as a wedding dress. It's super tight and only comes to right over her knees. She looks good but just not what I expected.

"I look hot and I doubt I will ever wear this again." She tells me and I laugh and kiss her hand.

"You ready for this?" I ask her and she says she thinks so. She knows she loves her, she saw it. She just hopes that it comes easily.

"I love you so much Bella, you are so amazing for this." I tell her and she laughs and says I know.

"I love you too. Are you ready for this? I know you feel like you don't have any right to express doubt or complain or anything because she's really yours but it can't be like this if it's going to work. You have to stop thinking about her as a mistake that I have to live with. She's ours." She asks me.

"I'm not upset about it or anything anymore; I just don't know anything about new babies and I'm kind of worried about the whole girl thing."

"Neither Sam or I knew anything about Carson and he's still alive and well. Of course you don't know you screwed up until they end up doing stupid stuff on the internet."

"You had Emily's mom." I point out.

"And you have me." she tells me slightly hurt but luckily we are at the hospital so we find Kristy's room.

She's screaming and the nurse asks her who we are.

"They're the parents!" Kristy screams at her.

The nurse stares at Bella for a minute, probably because she's a freaking teenager about to take her patients baby according to Kristy, and then asks Kristy if we're both staying and she says if they want to.

I don't really want to be here, this is too much.

"You can go Paul, I'll stay with her." Bella tells me and Kristy agrees to that so I run before they change their mind.

After what seems like forever Bella comes walking out with the baby.

"Isn't she beautiful?" She whispers holding her out to me.

"She is beautiful." I tell her as I take her.

"Brenna, this is your daddy baby girl and I'm your mommy and we're going to take care of you." She tells her and when Brenna starts crying she takes her back from me and rocks her like she's done a thousand times with Carson and Brenna settles down.

"Kristy doesn't want to see her at all. She's called her lawyer and you need to do a DNA test and then she can sign over her rights and then Brenna has to stay here for 24 hours and then we can take her home. You can stay with her tonight in her own room but I don't think I can stay." She tells me.

"Why can't you stay?" I ask her

"Because I'm not a parent" she tells me like I'm stupid.

The nurse comes out to show us where Brenna will be staying and I ask her if Bella can stay, she is my wife and she will be Brenna's mom. The nurse says it's up to Kristy until she signs over her rights.

After she shows us the room, she checks with Kristy who says it's fine and then they take blood to do a DNA test.

3 hours later they confirm she is mine and Kristy signs away all of her parental rights.

Bella calls Quil to come pick her up so she can get the stuff we'll need until we can leave with her tomorrow afternoon and then asks if he minds keeping Carson for the night.

When he gets here to pick her up she introduces him to Brenna then bounces off with him after promising she'll be back as soon as she's got everything and she makes sure Carson is all settled.

"Brenna, she's a good mom. You're lucky." I tell her kissing her really carefully and hoping she doesn't start crying until Bella gets back.

She's not that patient but luckily a nurse comes in with a bottle and shows me how to feed her. How is it that I never fed Carson? Even before Sam died I was around. Now that I think about I'm not sure Sam ever even fed Carson. Bella kind of always made sure he was taken care of before anyone else even knew he needed anything.

Not this time, not anymore. I will do everything I can for all of them. Bella, Carson, Brenna. My family.

The nurse comes back and tells me Kristy is asking to talk to me and she will take the baby to the nursery until I am ready to take her back.

I walk to Kristy's room nervously.

"Hey Kristy, how are you feeling?" I ask her.

"I'm not really sure, I mean I know this is the right thing to do but it's hard. I never wanted kids; I have a job that I love but I'm traveling more than I'm home. It's not fair to her for me to come in and out of her life. Please just take good care of her, you and Bella. Bella is a good mom, I watched her that night at the bookstore with your little boy before I talked to her. I'm sorry about that by the way, I didn't know. That baby deserves more than me being too selfish to give up my job. She deserves the family you have. As you know, I signed over all my rights and I know Bella is going to adopt her. I have to leave here and pretend she doesn't exist but I want you to be able to contact me in case she ever wants to find me. I will leave my contact info with my lawyer, should you ever need me or if she ever wants me you can go there." She tells me wiping tears away.

"I promise you we will take care of her and love her and if she ever wants to know you we will find you. Bella is amazing; she loved Brenna the moment she laid eyes on her." I don't tell her that was in a dream but whatever.

"Thank you Paul." She tells me and I tell her thank you for coming to me and letting me have her. She could have just given her up for adoption. "She deserves you." She whispers.

I walk out of her room and back to my newborn daughter. Mine and Bella's newborn daughter.


	20. Chapter 20

Paul's POV

The next day we are ready to take Brenna home, Bella hasn't left her side except for when Quil took her to get stuff. Quil is keeping Carson so he hasn't come to visit her but Leah came up this morning before she had to fly back to Maine.

"I think we're all ready Paul, she's checked out and in her outfit." Bella tells me holding Brenna and smiling as she talks. She already loves her more than I do I think. I feel like a terrible person actually.

"OK, let me just find a nurse and make sure."

I walk to the nurses' station and she tells me that as long as I have a car seat installed we can take her.

Yeah that's a pretty dumb thing to forget. And not like forgot at home, we didn't even buy one.

I walk back to Bella and tell her I called Quil and he's going to buy a car seat and bring it up here. She laughs and says we are so screwed.

2 hours later we put her in her brand new car seat and take her home. When we get in Bella sits on the floor with her and I sit next to Carson with her so he can meet her. He is smiling and babbling and patting her head like she's a dog.

Over the next few days we realize how clueless I am but Bella is amazing. She shows me everything I need to know to take care of her from feeding to diaper changing to calming her down in the middle of the night.

"I'm exhausted." She whines sitting next to me one evening after we get both Carson and Brenna down for bed. "I don't remember it being so tiring."

"Well with Carson you were kind of in a bad place. You hardly slept and you were running on autopilot or something. Plus you didn't have another kid running all over the place. Go to bed, I'll stay up until she needs fed again and then I'll go to bed." She wakes up every couple of hours to eat which is supposed to be normal but it makes it hard to sleep. Luckily Carson sleeps through all her crying.

"I'm going to miss you when you have to go back to work." She tells me pouting. I took 2 weeks off because of Brenna.

"I know baby, I'll miss you and the kids too but it's going to be OK. But you have to promise me you won't stress yourself out trying to be perfect."

"I promise… to try?"

"Yeah I figured that was the best I was going to get but don't overwork yourself. You and the kids are all that really matter."

She tells me she loves me and then curls up next to me and falls asleep. So much for going to bed… I will let her sleep here until I have to get Brenna.

Only I wake up to her and Brenna sitting next to me.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't even hear her." I tell her feeling awful.

"It's OK, I woke up and went to check on them and I grabbed her before she even started crying. Carson is awake too but he's lying there playing with his elephant so he will probably go back to sleep. Go to bed, I'll put her down in a few minutes then come with you."

"No, let me take her and you go to bed. Then once I'm sure they are both sleeping I will come lay down." She must be really tired because she hands Brenna over in the middle of her bottle and goes to bed.

"Hey Brenna baby, when are you going to start sleeping more than 2 hours at a time? Your mommy needs sleep and she doesn't sleep when you're awake. Even when you're with me. At least she does sleep. With your brother she hardly slept at all, I'm surprised they both survived it sometimes. I love you Brenna baby." I talk to her as she finishes her bottles and closes her eyes. I take her back to her room; check on Carson who is now sleeping with his elephant clutched tightly into his little hands and lay down with Bella.

"They're asleep?" She asks and I tell her yes they are.

"Thank you Paul." She tells me and I ask her for what. "For being so good with them, for helping so much. I grew up in a world where men don't help so it's weird and that's why it's hard to let go sometimes."

"I grew up in that world too baby and I never wanted to be one of those men."

"You're definitely not." She mumbles as she falls asleep.

2 hours later it all starts again.

Finally around 6 months she starts sleeping through the night along with crawling and driving Carson crazy. She smiles the biggest brightest smile and babbles all the time to everyone she sees and if no one is paying attention she'll babble to a stuffed animal. She has an alligator that she loves just as much as Carson loves his elephant.

One day we're sitting in the backyard with the kids splashing around in a baby pool. Carson keeps dumping buckets of water on Brenna's head and every time Bella gasps but Brenna giggles and then Carson giggles and Bella laughs.

"This is so perfect." She tells me but she seems sad.

"What's wrong then?" I ask her.

"On days like this when everything is so perfect I miss them all so much but then I know that if it hadn't happened I would probably be off partying in college or something stupid like that."

"Don't you think you would have ended up with Embry and he would have kept you from being stupid?" I ask her and she seems to think about it.

"I think Embry wouldn't have told me I was being stupid."

"I've never told you were being stupid."

"Because with you I have the kids to ground me. I don't ever drink anymore. But if I was being stupid you would tell me, I would tell you if you were being stupid too."

Brenna is trying to pull herself up on Carson and he pushes her and when she starts crying Bella jumps up to get her.

She sits back down with Brenna crying and Carson climbing out to get to her. He doesn't like her to cry, even if he was the one to cause it. After she stops crying she puts her back in the water and Carson follows.

"You never talk about Sam." She tells me.

"It's hard to think about him, I mean everyone else died in an accident. Sam killed himself. I get he couldn't live without Emily but he left Carson willingly. I do miss him of course, he was my best friend and the only family I had before you and Carson and Brenna. I miss Emily too; she was always nice to me when you weren't around." He tells me laughing.

After the kids are all played out we take them inside and make lunch which ends in Carson throwing his food all over the floor and Brenna crying because she wants Carson's food.

We clean them up and put them down for nap and collapse onto the couch.

"How do you do this during the week by yourself?" I ask her.

"With a lot of coffee and by telling myself come Saturday I get to sleep in and then spend the day with you. 5 minutes rest and then you need to mow the lawn. Brenna doesn't like it high."

And Brenna gets what Brenna wants. Both of the kids are spoiled rotten.

"You're happy right?" I ask her and she looks at me funny and says of course.

"Why wouldn't I be happy?"

"I know you miss all of them and I know you get tired with Carson and Brenna. I just want to make sure you're happy, and if you're ever not you promise to tell me."

"I'm happy and I can't ever imagine not being happy but if I ever am I will tell you. Are you happy?"

I tell her yes. I am happy, happier than I ever thought I could be.


	21. Chapter 21

Bella's POV

"I don't understand why you're flipping out. You saw all of this. You knew Brenna was Paul's and a girl so why would you doubt this?" Quil asks me trying not to laugh because he doesn't want me to cry.

"I'm on birth control."

"Obviously not 100% effective." He points out.

"Brenna is barely walking. I'm going to be 19 year old with 3 kids under 5!" I scream at him.

"Bella you're a good mom and Paul is a good dad and you're going to be fine. And you have lots of people willing to help." He tells and I start crying. "What's really wrong?"

"What if I love her more than Carson and Brenna?" I ask him.

"Do you ever think about Car or Brenna not being your kids?" He asks.

"They are my kids!" I yell at him.

"Exactly."

I think I know he's right I just worry.

"Paul is going to be home soon, I need to start dinner. Are you staying?" I ask him.

"You don't need to make dinner; I'll go pick something up. Please just go lay down or something. You need to take care of yourself, I know you take good care of the kids and you're exhausted sometimes but now you're going to be pregnant and exhausted."

"I can still make dinner; I'm not going to be useless for the next 8 months." I snap at him and he laughs.

"I know but you're emotional and in shock and you just need to chill for a while. How about I take the kids to Taylor's and you chill out and I will call Paul and tell him to bring you dinner and then I will bring them back this evening?"

"You're sure you don't mind?"

"I really don't mind. This way you can tell him in peace too. Is he going to be upset that you told me first?" I laugh and tell him no he'll be glad that I'm over the freak out.

"I love you Bella, I'm very happy for you and Paul. Now tell the kids good bye and go to your room. I will get them ready and take them and call him and you just chill out. Don't clean or anything. Just for today OK?" He asks.

"Fine, thank you. I don't know what I would do without you. Tell Paul I want Mexican food."

I tell the kids good bye and then lay in my bed reading my current book until I hear him leave. Once they leave I get up and start cleaning the house. It's not often I get to clean without someone undoing everything I do.

An hour later Paul comes home with dinner.

"You told Quil you would chill."

"I lied. But look how pretty the house looks!"

"So why is Quil all suddenly overly concerned about you?" He asks.

"I'm pregnant and though we didn't discuss it we both know something bad is going to happen. And there is the fact that I am way too young to have 3 kids. 3 kids Paul. My life is freaking set in stone now, I can never go to college, and I'll never be able to travel. What if you die? No man is ever going to want me with 3 kids!" I start screaming at him and then I start crying and I'm confused because I thought I was OK.

"Hey, hey baby calm down OK? Just calm down please baby." He begs me as he holds me and rubs my back but I cannot stop crying. He flips out and calls Quil who tells him he will leave the kids with Taylor and be there as soon as he can.

A few minutes later he comes in.

"Jackie said this is safe to take with her being pregnant, it's an anti-anxiety pill or something. I figured if you couldn't calm her down it finally hit her." I hear him tell Paul.

"Do you want this baby?" Paul asks me and I shake my head no. I don't need drugs.

Quil tells him that Jackie says if I don't want to take it then to put me in the shower with warm water and that should settle me down.

Paul carries me to the bathroom and Quil turns the water on and then Paul gets in with me and holds me as the water pours over us.

"You told me we were going to be OK. You woke up and said we going to be fine the last time you saw Sam. And Sam was right about Brenna, she's mine and she's a girl and you love her and Carson loves her, we're happy. You said he told you something everything was going to be OK. Baby if you want to go to college or travel we will make it work and don't you think they would have told you if I was going to die?"

"How could I possibly go to college or travel with 3 kids?" I ask him much calmer this time.

"I don't know baby but we will make it work. Do you want to go to college right now?"

"No not really." I admit. "I'm happy at home with Carson and Brenna."

"Do you want to travel?"

"Not really, I never really cared for it when we would go with Phil."

"So it's really more of I want it because I can't have it kind of thing?" He asks and I laugh and say I guess so.

"I'm sorry Paul, I just I don't know. This is so far from how I imagined my life just a few years ago…"

"I know baby. I know it is, I never imagined my life like this either. I never would have ended up with you if you hadn't lost everything."

"I love you too; this is just a lot right now. But you're right… we're going to be OK. I just wish I could see it."

"I think that's why you can't. You can't live your whole life waiting for the answers."

"You can name her. Since I kind of didn't even give you a choice with Brenna."

He says he'll think about it and that we should probably get out of the shower and out of our soaking wet clothes.

We get changed and Quil is in the living room and when we come out he says that Jackie offered to keep the kids for the night but only if I'm OK with it of course since they've never been with her overnight.

"Taylor will be there?" I ask him and he says yep and he will be there until they are sleeping but Jackie won't let him spend the night. I don't know why, it's not like it stops him and Taylor from doing anything.

We agree and Paul tells him he will pick them up in the morning, he's going to call into work tomorrow. I tell him that's completely not needed but he says he's going to anyways.

After Quil leaves we eat our dinner and watch a movie and go to bed.

We're going to be OK. Something bad is going to happen but we're going to be OK.


	22. Chapter 22

Paul's POV

"You need to learn to drive baby, how are you going to leave the house with 3 kids on a bike?" I ask her. I mean the squirrel was cute and all I guess but it is time to move on.

"I'm so scared though. What if I hurt someone or something?" I want to tell her they would have warned her but I know that's not always going to be true.

"We'll go somewhere open and we'll start slow. We'll leave the kids with someone so they won't be in the car."

"What about Kylie?"

"Well I can't do anything about her and she is the reason you need to learn to drive anyways."

Kylie is due soon and I've been trying to get her to learn to drive since she found out she was pregnant. Leah is flying in tomorrow so she can help so she can be here for Bella.

This whole pregnancy has been hard for her since she's chasing Carson and Brenna around plus she freaks out about everything.

We've been to the doctor so many times because of her just feeling off. Luckily the doctor is a friend of Jackie's and she seems to be very understanding.

Jackie says a lot of it is because this is her first pregnancy but in her mind it's hard to distinguish this baby from Carson and Brenna so everything is that much more foreign and confusing. I'm pretty sure it's because dream Sam told her something bad is going to happen but Jackie doesn't know about that. I need Quil to come see her but he's super busy with school. He and Taylor even broke up because he wanted her to be free if someone else came along. She's waiting for him.

"One time Bella? If you don't want to do it again we won't and I will figure something out but can you try just one time?" She very reluctantly agrees so we drop the kids of with Taylor and I drive us to a big parking lot that's open because the place is closed today.

She does good but she says she still hates it but she's willing to try again.

On the way to pick up the kids she's talking about all the stuff we still need to get ready for Leah and then Kylie. She doesn't need a whole lot of stuff since Brenna has tons of stuff and we've saved all her clothes.

"Do you think we have time to run by the bookstore?" She asks and I tell her sure it's fine. We didn't drive for nearly as long as I had planned too.

We walk in and she tells me she's going upstairs to get Carson a new train and Brenna a bug. They have a whole bin of plastic bugs that for some reason Brenna loves. I stay downstairs to look around. The kids upstairs drive me nuts, they are so loud and their parents just let them go crazy.

I look around to try to find something I think she would like. We've made it our nightly routine that after dinner she goes to our room and locks to door and does whatever she wants until it's bedtime for the kids. She fought me at first but after a few days she was totally into it. She usually reads and she reads fast so she goes through books fast. She reads all kinds of things so it's not hard to pick stuff for her.

I find a couple I think she'll like and I buy them so she won't stop me and then I wait for her. I see her walking down but she loses her balances and falls.

Shit, she just fell down a whole flight of stairs.

"Are you OK baby?" I ask her running to her but she just says Brenna.

"I called an ambulance, they'll be here fast." The checkout girl tells me.

I tell her thank you and then sit with Bella and hold her hand. I don't know if I'm supposed to move her, I don't know if she's hurt.

She's crying saying Kylie over and over. I think she's in shock.

"Baby Sam told you Kylie was going to be OK, I don't really understand all that but he was right about Brenna and this baby and the vision came exactly like you saw it. Sam wouldn't lie. You're going to be fine."

The day her vision came true she freaked out because up until that point she had convinced herself that maybe Sam was wrong. Or maybe it was coincidence.

"It hurts." She tells me crying.

"I know baby, but it's OK, Sam said it was going to be OK."

The ambulance comes and once we get to the hospital and to a room they start hooking her up to machines and there are different people doing different things and I have no idea what's going on.

Then the nurse starts asking me how far along she is and exactly what happened and the name of her doctor. I tell her everything and she rushes off to call her I guess.

One of the nurses tells me I have to leave and pushes me out of the room.

I don't know what to do so I kind of wander around until I run right into someone.

"Paul?"

"Jackie."

"What's wrong Paul?" She asks concerned. I must look pretty bad.

"Bella, she fell. I don't know what's going on, they pushed me out. Why are you here?"

"I have a patient here, I was leaving though. The kids are with Taylor right?" I shake my head yes. "OK well I'm sure Dr. Hill will be here soon and she's going to be fine. I can try to get in there or I can wait with you. Just let me call Taylor and make sure she's OK with the kids. When is Quil coming back? We can keep them as long as you need but Brenna is so much happier with him."

I tell her Quil is coming down for the weekend, so in two days but Leah is coming down tomorrow. Brenna barely knows Leah though and she is very attached to Bella. Taylor and Jackie are probably her best option until we can get home or Quil gets here.

"Can you just wait with me?" I ask her. She says of course and goes to call Taylor. While she is off doing that the ER doctor comes in to tell me she's lost a lot of blood and she needs to deliver the baby but she's not in labor so they can either do a C-section or try to force start labor. I don't know what to tell them, I don't know anything about this. Luckily Jackie comes back, I know she's not a surgeon but she's smarter than me.

I ask her what to do and she asks them if Bella is still awake, they tell her barely but Jackie demands we see her. She tells me on the way to the room Bella needs to make this decision if at all possible. We get to her room and I hold her hand while Jackie talks to her. Bella tells her I can decide, she's too tired. Jackie looks at me and I still don't know. So Jackie tells me she's going to find a doctor and she'll figure out what to do.

"I'm sorry I can't decide baby, I don't want anything to happen."

"Kylie will be OK." She whispers and I realize that it's always been Kylie will be OK, it's all about Kylie.

"I need you to be OK baby." I tell her kissing her hand.

"If I'm not, you take care of them. Don't lose it like Sam. They need you. Promise me."

"You're going to be fine baby but if anything ever happens to you I promise you I will never lose it like Sam. I would never leave you or the kids willingly."

Jackie comes back with the doctor and they decide to go with the C-section since she's so weak from the blood loss.

The doctors explain the risks and then they take her into an operating room after I tell her I love her. I can't go since the risks are higher than normal.

Jackie sits with me in the waiting room. 20 minutes later they bring the baby out to me.

"How is she?" I ask.

"She's lost a lot of blood and she's unconscious. We will let you know if anything changes. A nurse will be out in a minute to take you to a room for the baby."

Jackie takes Kylie from me and sits down with her.

"Paul, sit down. You can't do anything for Bella right now but Kylie needs you. She needs you to hold her. Babies are meant to go straight to their moms. Their confused but they know their mothers. Did you talk to her while she was pregnant?" She asks and I shake my head yes. "Then you're almost as good as Bella." She tells me handing her to me.

"What if she dies?" I ask her.

"Then you deal with it. But you don't worry about that now. The doctors here are good Paul, and she got here and started treatment fast." She tells me. She's always so practical.

"I can't lose her." I whisper to her, to Kylie, to myself.

Only I know that I can lose her. Bad things happen; our whole life together is proof of that.


	23. Chapter 23

Quil's POV

Taylor calls to tell me that Kylie was delivered by emergency C-section and Bella might be dying. She's hysterical and she won't give me more details so I tell her I'm on the way. It's only a 2 hour drive and a day of missed classes.

As soon as I get in the car I call Paul and Jackie answers.

She gives me the whole story from Bella falling to her being unconscious now. Car and Brenna are with Taylor who is currently hysterical and Jackie doesn't want to leave Paul. I call my mom and ask her to pick them up and stay with them until I can get there. She tells me she can keep them over night if they want or need her too. Because someone needs to be with Paul and someone needs to be with Taylor. I love Taylor but I'm going to be in school for a very long time and she's a lot younger than me. I don't want her to pass up meeting someone while I'm basically too busy for her but her and Bella are still very close.

Then I call Bella's step dad. Ex-step dad? Not sure how that works since he did leave her mom. They aren't super close but they do talk and I'm sure he would want to know she's unconscious and that Kylie is fine.

Jackie told me over the phone that Paul keeps saying "he only said Kylie" over and over. I assume he means Sam and I guess he's right. We all were pretty sure Kylie would be fine we never even stopped to think that Bella might not be.

Finally I call Leah who is freaking out but there isn't much she can because she's already set to arrive tomorrow.

I know I'm driving way too fast but if I get pulled over I can always tell them my best friend is dying. Jackie is a doctor; she would confirm it for me. She's not dying though. She will not die.

2 hours later I pull up to Taylor's house and she runs out and hugs me and sobs into me. Then my mom comes out holding Brenna and Car trails behind her.

"I couldn't leave her by herself." She whispers as she hugs me. Brenna lunges at me and I smile at her as I take her.

"Quil up!" Car screams so I pick him up too.

"I need to go see Paul." I tell my mom and she nods yes and tells me she will stay with Taylor until Jackie comes back and then she will take the kids back to her house.

I tell thank you and tell Taylor I will come see her in a little while.

"Don't leave me." She begs.

"I just need to check on Paul." I tell her confused.

"I need you. I can't breathe without you." She tells me seriously and I look at my mom and she says it's true; she was flipping out before I got here.

"Do you want to come with me?" I ask her and she says yes and runs off to find shoes.

"I have the key to Bella and Paul's house, why don't you take them there? Brenna doesn't like change much." I tell her handing Brenna back to my mom, or trying at least. She's screaming and clinging to me.

"I'll come see you tonight Brenna but I have to go see mommy and daddy. I will be home tonight I promise. I'll read you Goodnight Moon and kiss all your bugs good night."

"Want mommy." She tells me with her big beautiful eyes.

"I know you do sweetheart but mommy can't see you right now." I tell her hoping it's just for right now.

I hand her back to my mom and she's still screaming but we leave her and I feel awful. Car just waves good bye luckily.

Taylor is way too quiet in the car.

"Kylie is fine Taylor."

"But Bella might die. And you know that because people like us don't get to say oh that stuff doesn't happen to us. People die. And you… you abandoned me!" She yells.

"Taylor I came as soon as I knew you needed me."

"You came to see Bella and Paul."

"I came straight to your house." I point out.

"Because of Car and Brenna." She argues.

"Honey I love you. But you're so much younger than me and I'm gone so much, I just want you to be able to have a life."

"Paul is more years older than Bella than you are older than me."

"Yes… but Bella gave up a lot."

"She's happy."

She's right.

"I just want you to be mine; I want to be able to call you if something exciting happens even if it's something small and dumb. I want to be able to look forward to your visits. I want to be able to kiss you without you thinking you're stealing my future. I want you to be my future." She tells me quietly and so sadly.

"I'm so sorry Taylor; I really thought it was for the best. But I'm still yours. You're all I think about at school. And I find myself wanting to call you all the time for no reason. I do love you Taylor; I shouldn't have broken up with you. You forgive me?"

"Can we be together?" She asks nervously.

"Yes we can and I am so sorry." I tell her.

We get to the hospital and ask for Bella's room. They tell us we can't see her.

"I know we can't see her, but we're here to see her husband and her baby." I explain to her and she says that the baby can't have visitors until the parents' consent.

"Dr. Hill." Taylor runs to a doctor walking down the hall.

"Hey Taylor, you here to see your mom?" She asks and Taylor starts crying and telling her they won't let us back there and we need see Paul.

The doctor talks to the nurse and then tells us to follow her.

She runs to her mom and hugs her as soon as we see them.

"Where are the kids?" Paul asks concerned.

"My mom has them; I gave her the key to your house so Brenna won't be quite so unhappy."

"Oh yeah, that's nice of her. Thanks. Bella is still not awake. Kylie is fine but they had to take her for some testing or something. I don't remember them testing Brenna."

Jackie tells him they test all the newborns but Kristy might have consented so they never mentioned it to him. Plus they might want to run some extra tests on Kylie since Bella fell.

A doctor comes out and Paul jumps up to talk to him. He tells him she's awake but out of it right now. He can go sit with her. He asks Jackie to let him know as soon as Kylie is done with whatever it is she's doing.

"Does this mean she's going to be OK?" Taylor asks her mom and she says it's a good sign.

"Taylor can you go find me a coke or something? I need to wait here for Kylie." Jackie asks her.

"Basically you want to talk to Quil." Taylor rolls her eyes but leaves.

"The way she looks at you…" She starts.

"I made a mistake but I fixed it and I love her and if she wants to deal with my crazy schedule then I will never let her go." I tell her and she smiles.

"Her dad would have liked you."

Paul comes out and tells us she's OK; she's talking and worrying about the kids. In their world, that's about as close to normal as you can get.


	24. Chapter 24

Paul's POV

"I don't like this at all." Bella whines.

"I know baby but you love to go out and going out with all 3 of them on a bike is just not practical." I tell her and she sighs and says she knows.

The kids are all with Quil and Taylor while he's here on Christmas break. He was looking for his own place but Bella told him he's not moving until he graduates. And that's still years off. He asked me what he should do and I told him he should do whatever makes Bella happy. So he quit looking. Taylor spends the night sometimes because she misses him so much when he's gone and their time together is limited so Jackie gave in a little bit.

It gets so crowded but Bella loves it.

She recovered from the fall and C-section and excessive bleeding and all that pretty quickly and quickly adjusted to having three kids except for the not going out. Kylie is 3 months old and she lasted all of a week staying home all the time before she would beg me to take them anywhere as soon as I got off work. It's not that I mind at all, it's just that I think she would be happier if she could go out during the day.

Carson and Brenna both love Kylie and she is luckily a good baby. Bella wanted to get her tubes tied but they told her she's not old enough. So she told me she would learn to drive if I got a vasectomy. Seems unfair but really I will do anything for her. So I did my part and now she is whining.

We drive very slowly down the street and I'm glad this is a small town and it's not a time where a lot of people are out.

"Baby you can't drive that slow." I tell her and she glares at me and tells me to stop yelling at her. I did not yell.

"I want Quil to do this." She whispers. Probably because she thinks I'll be offended but I am all for the idea because I love her but I am about ready to kill her. I call him and he says he can do it now so we switch places and drive back to the house and he gets in with her.

I tell Taylor hi and take a screaming Brenna from her.

"Kylie is asleep and Car is watching a movie, I'm going to call me mom and ask her to pick me up."

"You can stay; I doubt they'll be gone long anyways. Why don't you go watch TV in Quil's room?" She smiles and says thanks.

"Brenna you're fine, mommy is just trying to learn to drive. Hopefully Quil has better luck than me. She's stubborn. I have a feeling you're going to be stubborn just like her. Please stop crying Bren."

"Give her milk daddy." Carson tells me. "She ask Taylor and Taylor not know what she say."

"Is that what you want Brenna baby milk?" I ask her and she shakes her head yes. That I can do.

I hand her a cup and she starts crying again.

"The red cup daddy. Bren always use the red cup." I can't find the red cup. "In the sink." Carson tells me and points. He's a pretty smart toddler I think.

I clean it out and pour the milk in it and she finally settles down.

I carry her to the couch and sit down with Carson to watch the rest of his movie. After the movie is over Carson says he's hungry and I look at the time and they've been out for over an hour with is pretty impressive.

"OK Carson, what do you want for dinner?"

Brenna tells me she wants fish sticks and Carson shakes his head yes. Brenna is going to be so spoiled.

So I make fish sticks and run upstairs to see if Taylor wants anything. She comes down and makes a salad to go with it. We all sit down to eat and I worry a little about Bella because she never drives this long with me but I don't want to call because it might scare her if she is still driving.

"He distracts her so she's probably driving and not even realizing it. With you she's so focused on you. If that makes sense… but don't worry. He's very patient; he taught me how to drive." Taylor tells me.

Brenna grabs the ranch and dumps it all over her food and then Kylie starts crying. She just took a very long nap so she's probably not going to sleep for a very long time meaning one of us will be up with her half the night.

"Hey Kylie, you hungry?" I ask her picking her up from her bed. I take her downstairs and make her a bottle and Taylor offers to feed her so I clean up Carson and Brenna. I still don't understand how Bella does this all by herself during the week.

Finally Quil and Bella come back, it's late, and it's already dark.

"I did it!" She tells me happily.

"Did what?" I ask her cautiously.

"She drove all the way to the city and back." Quil tells me.

"How did you get her to do that?" I ask him shocked.

"I'm just that good. But really I don't even know. We were driving and talking and I was telling her where to go and then we were there. We stopped to eat and drove back." He tells.

"You make me nervous Paul." She tells me quietly.

"I'm so sorry baby, but this is good right? You think you can take the test and get your license?" She smiles and says yes that is the plan.

"But I get you want me to drive but you do realize I don't even have a car? Unless I'm going to take you to work every day and that seems like a lot of unnecessary work not to mention Brenna is usually still sleeping."

"I kept Sam's car. It's been in storage. You can either drive it or I will drive it and you can drive mine."

"I'm not driving Sam's car." She doesn't even think about it.

I tell her that's fine and as soon as she gets her license I will get it out of storage and she can have my mine. She kisses me and tells me she loves me and then takes the kids upstairs for their baths.

"She really drove an hour away and back? On the highway?" I ask Quil and he says yep, she's not bad either.

"She said you make her nervous, you watch her too closely."

"Well thanks I guess. I'll need you again when Carson is old enough to drive I guess."

Taylor comes out of the kitchen and tells me she cleaned up and asks Quil and me if she can spend the night. She always asks me or Bella even though we tell her all the time she can stay anytime. We both tell yes she can stay and she goes to call her mom.

"Paul!" Bella screams from upstairs so I run up to her. "Are you mad at me?" She asks.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I fought with you about driving and then drove to the city with Quil."

"Oh, no of course not baby, I'm just glad you can drive now."

"OK well then, I'm going to buy a car. For you, and I will take yours. We both know that Sam loved his car so his memory is all in it. I have enough money to put a good down payment down and then I can make the monthly payments. And you can have the new car because yours is already kid friendly. The new one can be kid free."

"You have that much money?" I don't see how she has the time to still be selling stuff with 3 kids. I know she's always making stuff when the kids are all down and she pays Taylor to help and she also has a woman that lives down the road help.

"Well yeah, all I ever buy are groceries and sometimes stuff for the kids but I make good money and I don't ever buy expensive food anymore because I don't have time to make it and I don't buy the kids a whole lot of stuff because they have tons. So you'll let me buy the car without fighting me?"

"Yeah if that's what you really want to do." She hands me Carson out of the bath and then washes Brenna.

We put them to bed and then she asks if I can go get Kylie while she takes a bath.

Quil and Taylor are both laying on the floor the floor with her.

"Thanks guys, I got her now." I pick her and Taylor tells Quil she's going to the room, he tells her he will be there soon.

"Is she OK?" He asks.

"Yep, she's going to buy a new car though. I don't like it but I told her before she can do whatever she wants with her money."

"Why don't you like it? It makes sense to not drive Sam's car if she can afford a new one and she obviously can."

"Because I'm supposed to take care of her, not the other way around. She cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids and has her store and I feel like a loser who does nothing."

"The only reason she can do all of that and stay sane is because of you. You come home from work and help with the kids and make dinner if she didn't do it already and you make her go to her room after dinner. I mean not make her, you know what I mean. You spend every weekend with her; you take her out every time she asks you during the week. You do everything you can to make her happy and that makes her want to do everything she does and because she wants to do it's easier. Plus you pay all the bills. You do take care of her. You're lucky that she wants to take care of you too. That's the way it's supposed to be."

"Yeah I guess so." I tell him still thinking she does too much.

I chill out with Kylie watching TV until Bella comes down.

"You work tomorrow; I'll stay up with her. And then Quil just told me he would get her and the other two so I can sleep in the morning."

"He just told you? Like while you were in the shower." She laughs and says no, in the hall while she coming down. OK then.

I kiss her and her Kylie and go upstairs but just as much as she can't fall asleep without me, I can't sleep without her anymore so I go back downstairs.

"I love you Kylie, I was so afraid I would love you more than I loved your brother and sister but I don't. I love all you and your daddy more than I thought was possible. Really I never loved anyone like I love you all. I'm so lucky I have all of you. This isn't the life I imagined and it probably isn't even the life I would have chosen but I can't imagine anything different now. What should we watch?" She asks her holding her close.

I go back to bed because I figure Kylie deserves this time with her to herself.


	25. Chapter 25

Bella's POV

Life is all good right now and sometimes I get the feeling it's too good.

I'm coming back from the girl's gymnastic class, Carson is in school, and when I pull up I lose my breath for a minute. I roll the windows down and tell the girls to stay in the car for a minute and then text Paul he needs to come home if at all possible.

I get out and try to keep it together.

"Why are you here Kristy?" I ask her as non-angrily as I can manage.

"I think about her every day, the guilt of walking out on her nearly kills me every time I see a little girl. I know I have no right, and I know that you're her mother, but maybe I can just be a part of her life?" She asks and I don't know what to tell her.

"You should've called or something Kristy. You need to leave and I will talk to Paul."

"I'm sorry. I should have called you're right. And just to be clear I am not trying to take her from you, you will always be her mom." She starts to walk away when Brenna jumps out of the car saying Kylie just threw up all over herself.

"Who are you?" Brenna asks her but Kristy is just staring at her.

"This is Kristy, an old friend of daddy's. But she has to go now. Let's go get Kylie." She grabs my hand and waves to Kristy and we get Kylie out of the car and take her to clean her up. She's in the tub and Brenna is playing with her reflection in the mirror when Paul comes in all worried. Brenna jumps into his arms and Kylie smiles and splashes in the water.

"What happened baby?" He asks me.

"Kristy stopped by. She's gone but we need to talk."

"Is Kylie OK?" He asks concerned.

"Yep, just got sick in the car. I think she probably snatched Carson's milk this morning." Dairy makes her sick. "I'm sorry I asked you to come home, I didn't know how insistent she was going to be."

"No, no it's fine, I'm glad you called me. Um what did she want?"

"After the girls go down for their nap." I tell him, it's kind of hard to talk with Brenna right here.

"Come on Bren, let's get you in bed." He tells her and she whines but she doesn't fight.

"Night Brenna, sleep good." I call to her as they walk down the hall.

I finish up Kylie's bath and then Paul puts her to bed too. They are both excited he's home early and he promises them he will be here when they wake up. The girls share a room while Carson has his own, once Quil moves out Brenna will be able to take that room but I don't know if she will, they stick together mostly and a lot of the time Carson ends up the room with them. I love that they are all so close.

We go downstairs and I tell him exactly what she said and he assures me that if it came to her trying to take Brenna she would never win since she signed over her rights and Brenna is legally mine. I adopted both her and Carson just in case anything should ever happen to Paul.

"But Brenna doesn't even know I'm not really her mom. I don't know if she will understand." I tell him.

"You are really her mom, you've taken care of her since she was hours old. Kristy has never even held her; you loved her before she was born. And we wouldn't have to tell her but I think it might not be a bad idea. I mean we talk about Emily and Sam to Carson and he's fine. I don't want her to think we've been lying to her whole life." He has a point but I don't know. Even if we tell her I'm not sure I want Kristy in her life.

"What do you think?" I ask him.

"I think I love all 3 of them so much that I would feel really awful not letting Kristy know her. Can you imagine knowing one of them was out there and you couldn't even see them?"

"But she chose to leave her."

"I know baby but everyone makes mistakes. Don't you think if Sam could he would come back for Carson? She doesn't even have to be a huge part of her life, she can just be a family friend that comes to visit and when Brenna is older we can tell her. I don't know. Ask Quil what to do; isn't he studying all this junk?"

"Yep. I will call him I guess." I tell him.

"But baby the decision is ultimately up to you. I mean I will help you decide but you're the one that spends every day with her and you know her better than anyone."

"You know her." I tell him.

"I do but no one knows their kids like a good mom. I see the proof in that in you and Jackie and Joy and even Emily's mom. When she tells Carson about Emily it's like she could see into her soul or something."

"I love you Paul."

"Love you too baby. What do you normally do when they're napping? I don't want to mess up your day or anything."

"I usually clean up and then sew or process orders until Carson comes home. And then I work on orders while he eats cookies and draws or watches a movie."

"OK let me clean up, and then you can get more work done. I'll hang out with Carson too, I'll make dinner too."

"I promised the girls they could help me make tacos tonight." He cringes and then says maybe I should make dinner. I laugh and tell him that's fine with me. It's messy but fun.

I head up to the room to work on my stuff but before I look at my orders I call Quil and discuss the whole Brenna thing. He says that if she's going to stick around then it would probably be good for Brenna to know who she really is. So he suggests letting her come around as just a friend until we trust her. I ask him what happens if Brenna decides she wants her instead of me and he says that's never going to happen because I'm the one who's always been there for her and will always be there for her and kids don't really care about labels. I tell him thanks and I love him and I will see him soon hopefully.

I get a lot of work done since I don't have to clean or get Carson settled but it's kind of unnerving because this isn't my routine so I end up putting my stuff up early and watching Paul and Carson play video games. When the girls wake up Carson and Brenna gang up on Paul and beg him to go to take them to the movies since he's home early.

"You know Kylie is too little for the movies. I told you we could go when we have a babysitter for her." He tells them and they both say OK with no tears or arguing.

"I'll stay home with Kylie, it will be fun won't it Kylie? We can make tacos and go to the book store." I tell him and he asks I'm sure. We always do things like this together.

"Yep, it kind of makes more sense than leaving here with a babysitter when the whole family goes out anyways." He nods in agreement.

"Unless the babysitter is Quil!" Carson adds and I laugh and tell him yes but he's not coming back for a while.

Kylie throws a fit when she realizes Carson and Brenna are leaving her but she calms down when Carson promises to make daddy bring her candy home.

"OK Kylie you want to make tacos or do you want to go to Subway?"

"Tacos mama. Not like Subway."

"Of course you don't my picky little girl. Tacos it is." Kylie by herself helping is just as messy as all 3 but it's nice to have the time with her. Before she was born we would switch off taking Carson and Brenna places so they got time alone with us but it's harder with three kids.

Once we've eaten and cleaned up we head to the book store. While Carson likes trains and Brenna likes bugs Kylie only likes books. She refuses to play with any of the toys but she will sit forever and look at books.

"Buy dog book mama." She brings me a book and sits on my lap while I read it.

"OK baby we'll buy this book, go pick a train for Carson and a bug for Brenna." I'm surprised they have ones they don't have. I suspect she keeps new trains in stock just for us.

"She's so cute, where are the other two?" One of the other regular customers asks.

"Paul took them to the movies, Kylie's too young still. She only last a few minutes before she's squirming and whining."

"You're so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and such beautiful kids. And it amazes me that the older two aren't even biologically yours. You're such a good mom to all of them." Nothing is a secret in a small town.

"Thank you. I hardly ever even think about it like that. To me, they are all my kids no matter how they came to be my kids. I'm thankful for all of them." I tell her honestly. I mean of course I know that only Kylie has my blood but it doesn't matter. All 3 of them have little habits and personality traits they've picked up from me. Of course I see a lot Emily in Carson too and sometimes it scares me. Carson forced me to grow up a lot and fast at and I like to think Emily would have done the same but we were reckless. We would sneak out at night and drink and stay out until right before we knew out parents would be up. She used to steal things from the convenience store and she was kind of slutty before she got with Sam.

"Done mama." Kylie tells me holding up the train and the bug.

I ask her if she's ready to go home and she shakes her little head yes making her curls bounce. We check out and go home and since they're still not home we curl up in my bed at watch a movie until we both fall asleep.

I wake up sometime in the night and smile at Kylie cuddled up next to Paul and fall right back to sleep.

_A/N I am going to finish my 3 stories and then take a break but I am going to finish them one at a time so please review or PM with which one you want me to finish first and I will finish in order of votes. _


	26. Chapter 26

Paul's POV

We agreed to let Kristy meet Brenna at our house and without her knowing who she is. She's coming over for lunch and Bella is in full freak out mode.

"What are you so worried baby? If this doesn't go well we don't let her come back. She signed away her rights, Brenna is yours. No one is going to take her from you. I don't really know Kristy all that well but I don't think she's a bad person. I think she just wants the chance to her know her kid."

"My kid. Brenna is my kid and your kid. She is not her kid." She tells me in her scary quiet voice.

"I didn't mean it like that Bella. I know she's yours. Everyone knows she's yours. Just try to calm down OK? You know how upset Brenna gets when you're worried."

"How are you so OK with this? She never cared about Bren at all, she refused to see her. She was going to give her up for adoption." She yells at me.

"But she didn't give her up for adoption. She came to me and she refused to see her because it would have hurt. You agreed to this Bella, I told you it was your decision. You said she can come for lunch and we'll see how it goes. You made the plans. Do you want me to call her and cancel?"

"No, that would be mean. I just worry. She has a lot more money than us, what if she does take us to court?" She's trying not to cry and I feel like a jerk.

"She has no rights to her, she signed them away and then a social worker and a judge decided you were good enough to be her mom, her and Carson's. So no one is going to take her because Kristy has more money than us. This is her home, we are her parents, and Carson and Kylie are her brother and sister. She is ours." I tell her again.

Brenna comes down the stairs with Kylie bouncing down after her.

"Hungry mama." Kylie tells her and Bella picks her up and kisses her.

"I know Kylie but we're waiting on someone." She tells her.

"What are we eating?" Brenna asks.

"Chicken parmesan with salad and bread sticks." She tells her.

"That sounds yuck mama." Kylie tells her.

"Everything sounds yuck to you baby. Go play with Carson in the backyard until it's time to eat." She tells her and they both run off so she can go back to freaking out and now obsessively cleaning.

"Come on baby, she'll be here soon. Just please sit down until she gets here." I finally get her to go outside with the kids until Kristy shows up which works out because I have a chance to talk to her first.

"Hi Paul." She tells when as I let her in the house. "Thank you for letting me come."

"It was Bella's decision and it will be Bella's decision if we continue to let you be a part of our life. So I wouldn't do anything to piss her off. She's very protective and possessive of our kids." I tell her.

"That's good. I had no doubt she would be a wonderful mother. I'm not here to upset her; I just want to know Brenna. Does she know who I am? I don't want to say anything I shouldn't." She sounds so nervous.

"No she doesn't know. We've talked about telling her later if it works out and you stay in her life. But you understand that you will be the person that gave birth to her, Bella is and always will be her mom."

"Of course. In just the few minutes I saw her I could tell she was happy and taken care of. I would never try to take her from you. You took her and raised her when I wasn't willing. I was selfish, maybe still am selfish but I'm not that selfish. I just want to know her." She tells me and I believe her.

"OK then, they're all outside, come on." I lead her through the house into the backyard where Carson and Brenna are pushing Kylie on the swing.

"Hi Kristy." Bella greets her a little too happily and then calls the kids over.

"This is Carson, Brenna and Kylie. Guys this is Kristy, an old friend of daddy's." I can see the jealously in her eyes.

"Hi Kristy, do you want to come play with us? You can swing. Only I can swing by myself and Bren doesn't swing, it makes her dizzy." Carson tells her.

"Um yeah it used to make me dizzy too." She tells Carson and Bella glares at me.

"Let's go eat lunch guys." I tell them and Carson and Kylie run in but Brenna grabs Bella's hand and Bella picks her up. Brenna doesn't like strangers at all.

We help them wash their hands and get everyone set down. Carson and Brenna start eating while Kylie pushes her food around her plate.

Carson and Kylie keep conversation going and Brenna pretends Kristy doesn't exist. Bella is extremely happy with the arrangement.

"So Brenna do you go to school?" Kristy asks her and she shakes her head no and Carson tells her she's not old enough yet.

She tries a couple more questions but gives up and talks to Carson and Kylie.

"I'm tired mommy." Brenna whispers to her and she tells us she will be right back.

"Carson you stay here with Kristy OK? I'm going to take Kylie to bed and check on mommy."

Bella is in bed with Brenna reading her a book so Kylie runs and curls up next to them.

"You OK baby?" I ask her and she just looks up and smiles. She is not OK. I tell the girls good night and then go back to Carson and Kristy. Kristy is laughing at something he said.

"OK Carson outside, movie, or drawing?" Those are the only options he gets when the girls are napping.

"Will you come outside with me Kristy?" He asks her and she looks at me. I tell her it's up to her so she follows him out. I put the food up and then go out with them. I have a feeling Bella isn't coming down for a while.

"Figures neither Bella nor Brenna would like me." She tells me.

"Well Bren is extremely shy and Bella is kind of jealous. On my side of things and Bren's side. I slept with you and you gave birth to Brenna. Bella loves all the kids but Brenna needs her more. She's shy and she worries and she doesn't like change at all. If you want to be a part of her life it's going to take time and a lot of that time is going to be like today. Her ignoring you but knowing you're here. I can't even promise you she'll come around."

"Is it going to bother Bella if I talk and play with the other two?" She asks.

"I don't really know." I tell her honestly. Bella is not easy to read. "Are you OK coming here and hanging out with the other two while Brenna ignores you?"

"I don't mind. I just want to know her; they are a big part of her. And they are very sweet kids. I couldn't have picked a better family for her."

We talk and watch Carson play until Bella finally comes down.

"They are both asleep." She tells me pretending Kristy isn't even here. Sometimes I forget she's so young because she had to grow up so fast but in moments like this it shows.

"Thank you for letting me come today Bella, I would really like to come back. But I understand if you don't want me to."

"You couldn't possibly understand." Bella tells her with more bitterness than I have ever heard from her. Ever. And we used to hate each other, fight with each other on the rare occasion Sam and Emily accidently had us in the same room.

"I never had a family Bella; I never had anyone to lose so I didn't know how hard it would be. I grew up with different nannies because my mom was never home. She died when I was 18 and I didn't even cry over it. So you're right I probably don't understand but I do know that you have a piece of my heart that I would never take from you, even if I possibly could because she adores you. I never thought much of family until that day I watched you and Carson at the book store. I didn't know there were mom's out there that looked at their kids the way you look at all of them. But just from being around you this little bit I do understand a little bit how much you love them." Kristy tells her and she starts crying and then Bella starts crying and I am so glad Brenna is in bed.

"I love her so much, and I know you can't take her and I believe that you don't even want to but I don't even like thinking about the fact that you have a connection to her that I can never have. She has your blood and she has your eyes. She's my daughter but she's kind of yours too." Bella tells her sobbing and I hold her.

They cry and Carson runs over all concerned and I tell him it's just girl stuff and Bella asks me to take him for a walk. We go on a long walk and when we get back Bella and Kristy are sitting in the kitchen drinking tea and eating cake.

OK then. I will never understand woman.


	27. Chapter 27

Paul's POV

It's early in the morning on a Saturday and just me and Brenna are up. She used to sleep the latest but she figured out if she gets up before Carson and Kylie she gets to hang out with me alone.

She's helping me making pancakes and bacon and cut up fruit.

"Daddy why are there no pictures of mommy when she was pregnant with me? There are pictures of her pregnant with Kylie and I know there are pictures of Emily pregnant with Carson. But what about me?" She asks and I can tell she's just curious but I don't know how to answer. Bella and I did decide that if she ever asked questions we would answer them honestly.

"Mom was never pregnant with you Bren." Bella is going to kill me.

"Then is my mom dead like Emily?"

"Nope."

"Did mommy kidnap me or something?" She's getting impatient.

"No, Bren she did not kidnap you. She is your mom she just didn't give birth to you."

"So who did give birth to me? A fairy princess that was in great danger so she sent me to live with you to save my life?"

"You watch too much TV Bren. Can I please discuss this with mommy and talk to you about this later?"

"If I say no will you tell me now?" She asks and I sigh. We did decide to tell her if she asked questions.

"OK Bren I will tell you but you have to understand that me and mommy are your parents. You have my blood and mommy adopted you and Carson. We both love you more than anyone else in this whole world loves you and nothing will change that OK." She shakes her head yes. "Kristy is your birth mom. She got pregnant and she knew that you would have a better life with me and mommy so she chose to not be your mom and to let mommy be. Does that make sense?"

"I think so. But then why does Kristy come see us, if she didn't want me?" She asks and she's still just curious.

"Baby, that's so hard to explain and maybe when you're older you'll understand better. But Kristy does love you in a way and now she loves Kylie and Carson too. People change, they make mistakes."

"Was giving me to mommy a mistake?" She asks.

"No, no not at all. But I think maybe her thinking she could live her life without knowing you was."

"So she loves me and she's my mom like Emily is Carson's but mommy is my real mom and she always will be right? I don't care if she was never pregnant with me, I love her and I want to live with her forever." I'm sure Bella will be thrilled with that.

"Yep, that's pretty much it. Any more questions?" I ask her and she shakes her head no. "Are you OK with everything?" She shakes her head yes.

We finish up breakfast just as Carson wakes up, followed by Kylie but surprisingly not Bella. I tell the kids to eat and I'll be right back.

I get upstairs and she's in the shower. I walk in and she peeks around the curtain and smiles.

"Come in." She tells me.

"I had to tell Bren about Kristy being her mom." I tell her.

"Get in here now." She demands. She probably wants to yell. Yelling is muffled in the shower.

I get in and she asks what happened and then she cries.

"Baby I am so sorry but she asked and we had decided we wouldn't lie if she asked and I tried to get out of talking to her until I could talk to you but she knew what I was trying to do. She's smart." I tell her and she shakes her head yes. "She's fine and she told me she wants to live with you forever." She laughs a little bit and then hugs me and then kicks me out. Awesome, love you too I think while I dry off and walk back to the kids.

"What are we doing today?" Carson asks me.

"I don't know, I don't know if we're doing anything. Mom is kind of… emotional today. We'll see how she feels when she comes down." I tell them and they totally ignore me and talk about what they want to do. Carson wants to go to the beach, Kylie wants to go to the big bookstore and Brenna wants to stay home and paint her walls purple.

"Brenna I'm pretty sure we are not painting your walls purple." I tell her and she pouts.

Bella comes down and Brenna runs to her and Bella hugs her and wipes the tears from her eyes without Brenna seeing but Brenna knows Bella.

"You'll always be my mommy." Brenna tells her.

"I know, and you'll always be my little girl. Are you OK though, do you have any questions?" She asks her and Brenna tells her no and drags her to the table to eat.

Through breakfast we discuss plans and decide that I will take Carson to the beach and Bella will take Kylie to the book store and we will paint Brenna's room purple tomorrow. Spoiled kids. We ask Brenna who she wants to go with and she picks the bookstore.

"Why are we painting Bren's room?" I ask Bella when all the kids are upstairs getting ready.

"Carson and Kylie are always asking for things and for the most part they get them, Bren never asks for anything. I'm not crazy about her room being purple but I'm also not crazy about Kylie doing cheerleading or all of Carson's video games."

She has a point. Brenna really doesn't ever ask for anything but when she does it's always something big like getting her room painted or going on an weekend trip with Quil and Taylor for some conference he went to, she spent the whole weekend pretty much being spoiled by Taylor. Kylie had a cheerleading thing and Carson was grounded for getting up and playing video games in the middle of the night.

We go our separate way and when Carson and I get home the girls are watching a movie eating popcorn.

"Mommy said to tell you she's taking a nap and we're having popcorn for dinner." Kylie tells me and Carson runs off to make popcorn.

"Did you have fun today?" I ask them and they both start talking about their day. Kylie got tons of new books and Brenna got her purple paint plus new curtains and a new bed set to match the purple paint.

Spoiled, spoiled kids.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah Bren?"

"Mommy said that if you say it's OK then I can have Robin and Lily over to help me paint tomorrow and we can order pizza and they can spend the night in Kylie's room because mine will smell like paint. So is it OK daddy?" She asks me so hopefully.

"Of course it is. Do you want to invite some friends over too Kylie?"

"Sure daddy thanks." She smiles.

So we're going to have 6 little girls and a bunch of purple paint. I have a bad feeling about this.

I tell them I'm going to check on Bella and I tell Carson not to change the movie, he's at that pesky age.

Bella is lying in the bed crying.

"Hey baby what's wrong?" I ask her lying next to her and pulling her into my arms.

"I yelled at Kylie today." She tells me quietly.

"Um, OK?"

"And then she cried."

"OK baby parents yell at their kids all the time. Why did you yell at her?" I ask her. Not that it matters but I'm sure she had a reason.

"She pulled Bren's hair because Bren told the ending to one of the books she picked. They had been fighting all day and I just lost it." She tells me and she sounds so guilty.

"Bella it's OK, she shouldn't have done it. It's not a big deal. She's down there eating popcorn and she's happy and fine. She probably doesn't even remember it." I tell her.

"I'm so tired Paul."

"OK baby, go to bed. I can handle them and you can sleep all day if you want. I'll make Quil come over and help me paint."

"No you don't get it. I'm so tired, physically and emotionally and mentally and I don't know if I can keep doing this. I'm 25 and sometimes I wake up and feel like I'm living a lie. I should be finishing up college or getting my first real job. I should maybe be engaged to Embry or if that didn't work dating random men. I shouldn't even be thinking about kids and yet today I spent my whole day listening to my two little girls argue all day. I have a 9 year old. I love you Paul and I love them but I'm just so tired. You are only with me because you felt sorry for me and then because you had Carson. Do you remember how we used to fight? And now we're like this perfect little family and it's just not right." She goes on and on and I don't have a clue what to say. This is harder than Brenna finding out about Kristy.

"Baby I love you because you're an amazing person. I know we used to fight but it's because I was stupid and we were both so young. Embry is dead baby and I'm so sorry and I wish none of it had happened but this is our life now. I'm not really sure what you're saying? Where did this come from?"

She sighs and cries some more and then starts talking again.

"Emily and I had these big plans to travel the country at 25. It was more her thing than mine because I was never really into traveling because I did it all the time with Phil but she was so excited even though we had to stay in the country because she didn't want Sam and Carson to be in a completely different country. We were going to go to New York and Hollywood and Boston and I don't even remember where else. We even had started a saving account for it and we both put whatever we could in in every Saturday. I haven't even touched it, there was like $1000 I think mostly from me because even though I told my step dad I didn't want his money he would sent me checks and I would put them in there. Then Emily would put like $10 in there and feel guilty but she and Sam were barely paying the bills. Anyways I don't even know if we would have gotten around to it because who knows where we would have been. It was supposed to be a month long trip because we didn't think about jobs and stuff like that. She would tell me Edward would never allow me to go without him and the sooner I got with Embry the better. I just miss her so much sometimes and then sometimes I hate Sam for leaving me and forcing me to grow up so young. I miss them all so much. Sometimes I wish I had been here, been there."

Yeah I still don't know what to say to all that. I text Quil and ask him to call her.

5 minutes later he does and I go check on the kids while they talk.


	28. Chapter 28

Paul's POV

The kids are all fine eating their popcorn and watching the movie so I sit with them and pretend I'm watching but really I'm trying to figure out what just happened with Bella. She just told me that sometimes she wishes she had been in the diner. She wishes she was dead. I thought she was happy but apparently she would rather be dead than with me and our kids.

I don't know if I should go check on her or just leave her be. Quil walks in and sits down with me.

"I came to see her but you have to know this is just a sudden thing caused by, I'm not quite sure yet but not you or the kids. She doesn't regret your life or wish she was dead. It's probably just because this trip was a huge deal to them and it's been almost 10 years. She loves you, you know that right? And she loves them; she wouldn't give them up for anything." He tells me.

"Yeah I guess so." He looks like he wants to say something else but he just walks upstairs instead.

Once the movie is over I get the kids all ready for bed, telling them Bella isn't feeling very good but she will come kiss them later, even if they are asleep. They can't lose her. I mean I don't want to lose her but I think I would eventually come to accept it but the kids need her. Especially Brenna, I think losing Bella would probably ruin Brenna for life.

After I put them in bed I turn the TV on but I don't watch it. All I can think about is Bella wishing she was dead.

Quil comes down and tells me she's asleep.

"So… a long time ago she accepted the death of everyone who died but I don't think she ever really accepted the death of her old life if that makes sense? The day of the accident Bella lost everyone. She lost her dad and all her best friends and less directly she lost her mom because her mom just gave up on her after she moved in with Sam. Suddenly she's 16 and completely surrounded by people she wasn't very close to and really didn't even like except for Sam. But she was so focused on Carson that she didn't even realize that overnight she changed from the girl that loved Embry and got drunk in the woods to the girl that would become a wife and mother of 3 kids in just the next few years. Had the accident not happened you and her likely would have kept fighting whenever you were in the room together and her and I would have kept annoying each other and her and Leah would have drove their parents crazy at every holiday. She would have gone to college for who knows what because she changed her mind every day. She would have dated Embry and may or may not have ended up with him. Sam was the only tie to the old her and he killed himself and in a way it was because of her. Not that she's too blame at all. I lost Jake and Embry but I had my mom and you lost Sam but by then you had her. So now in her mind this isn't what was supposed to happen, this wasn't this plan. I think it's probably because 10 years is kind of a big anniversary and also because she's at that age where a lot of women start thinking about kids and she already has them. Plus now that the kids are older and Brenna is tons less needy she has less to focus on. It's like she's just coming to terms with the fact that the life she has is a direct result of her losing everyone that mattered to her. But she loves you and she loves the kids and she needs you."

My head is spinning.

"She told me she wishes she had been there. All of this is so sudden. I thought she was happy. How do I help her, how do I help her through this? I don't want to lose her and the kids can't lose her. Bren would be lost without her." I ask him.

"She probably needs to be back in therapy. This isn't anything you did but you can't blame her either. What happened was a very traumatic event that she never really stopped to process. She had Carson and then you and Bren and Kylie plus she had those couple of dreams."

"Do you really think that if it hadn't happened we would still not like each other? I can't imagine not loving her." I ask him, I know it doesn't matter but I can't even remember not liking her even though I know I did.

"I don't know, every choice made can change things. Maybe something else would have happened but it doesn't really matter. Like I doubt her and Embry would have lasted but that doesn't matter either." I ask him why he thinks that.

"The old Bella was at the beginning stages of being wild, I think it would have gotten worse and worse and she would have definitely partied her way through college. Embry wouldn't have liked her doing anything that could possibly hurt her, he would have wanted to protect her and she would have rebelled and if they made it through college he would have wanted to marry her and have kids and have her stay home and I don't think old Bella was cut out for that." He looks guilty as he's saying it. This is all so messed up.

"But that's exactly who she is. Is that what this is about? The Bella she's supposed to be trying to surface?"

"Maybe but she'll never be that person, the old Bella. Being away from you and the kids would hurt her and I don't see any desire to be drunk and wild in her. She just needs to come to terms with the death of the old Bella. Therapy, Jackie might do it but if she feels they are too close I will find her someone else."

"I don't know if we can afford it." I tell him. I make decent money, more than I used to but the kids are in so many activities and they always need stuff.

"She can afford it and she knows she needs help. She knows that she shouldn't feel like she wishes she had died and she knows that just because you used to fight doesn't means that you're only with her because of Carson. She probably could use some space though, she's not herself and I don't want her to say something to the kids that she'll regret. I don't think she would but…"

"No, I get it. I'll figure something out. Thanks for coming to talk to her." I tell him.

"You two should go somewhere together. I don't have classes for another month. Take her somewhere, anywhere. Take her to Phil's beach house, they don't talk much but you know he would still do anything for her. I'll keep the kids and you take her and let her cry or scream or mope or whatever she needs to do to be her again. Just keep loving her, she'll be OK. Sam told her there would be nothing the two of you couldn't face together. She just needs some time and space and your support."

I tell him I don't know if Brenna can be away from Bella for a whole week.

"You're making excuses. It would be so good for you to be with just her, you're always with the kids. Bren will be fine, I will stay here with her and you can call her every day."

"No, you're probably right. I'll talk to her about."

"Don't talk to her, just make the plans and then tell her you're taking her." He tells me and then leaves.

It will make her mad probably but he's right. Maybe getting away will help her.

I will do anything I need to do to help her.


	29. Chapter 29

Paul's POV

I told Bella we were leaving in 3 days to stay at Phil's beach house for a week and she said no. So I packed up all her stuff, Quil came over and locked her out of the house.

She finally got in the car and we get to the airport with her refusing to talk to me. Once we get on the plane she starts crying.

"Baby why are you crying?" I ask her, I know I forced her into this but I don't want her to cry.

"I had one bad night and now you're taking my kids away." She tells me.

"I'm not taking them away. We're going to be gone for a week baby, one week. You just need a break and some space I think."

"Not you. Quil, Quil thinks I need space." She snaps.

OK then. This is going to be a fun trip.

"You told me you wished you had been in the diner."

"Because this is not me, this is not my life. A part of me did die in the diner but I have to live like it didn't. You didn't even like me but then you felt sorry for me and then you got Carson and it just made sense to be with you."

"You know that's not true baby, I love you. I told you I never really hated you and the day I found you crying on the kitchen's floor all I wanted to do was help you, take care of you however I could. Not liking you, all the fights we had had, none of that mattered anymore. And as I got to know you, I really started to like you and then one day I realized I loved you. I would have loved you whether Sam had given me custody or not. When I thought you were going to leave me when Kristy was pregnant it was one of the worst times of my life. I love you. So much baby and nothing will change that. You're going through a rough time, but I'm not leaving you for anything."

"I love you too Paul but I just sometimes feel like this isn't me. I don't know how to explain it. I don't want to leave you and the kids; I don't want that at all. I just want to feel like me again but I don't even know if I want to feel like the me who is your wife and Carson and Bren and Kylie's mom or the me who used to sneak around with Emily and who wanted to go to college some days and be a stripper some days. Also, Emily is the only person that knew about that one. I just want to feel whole again. And I don't know how being away from the kid's is going to help that." That's the most she's said since I told her we were taking this trip.

"It's just to get you away, to hopefully clear your head and so we can spend time with each other."

"You're leaving something out…" She demands.

"OK, but this was all Quil… he was afraid you might say something to one of the kids that you would regret saying."

"Like I wish I had died with everyone I loved because I hate you?" She snaps.

"That's a bit harsh…"

"OK, I will try to be optimistic about this trip as long as I get to talk to the kids once a day and Quil knows that if they need anything they can call at any time." I can see her relax as she says it. She just likes things to be on her terms.

We spend the rest of the flight in peace and then pick up the car Phil arranged at the airport. She falls asleep on the way and I shake her awake when we get there.

"I'm so tired." She whines so as soon as we get in she lies on the couch while I bring our stuff in. She's asleep again by time I'm done. Phil had his people stock the kitchen again so I look around for something simple I can make for dinner. I settle on mac and cheese and buffalo chicken tenders.

I call Quil to let him know we're here and check on Brenna. I sometimes wonder if Carson and Kylie are ever jealous of the extra attention she gets but she needs it. Carson and Kylie were beyond excited to spend the whole week with Quil and Taylor but Brenna begged us not to go every night and then this morning. Did not help my case with Bella at all. Sometimes I'm glad it's Brenna that needs the extra attention too and not Kylie because this way they can't say it's because she's her real daughter. Not that anyone thinks about it like that that I know of.

Quil says she's fine, just a little bit whiny but Carson and Kylie are sticking to her and taking care of her.

I start unpacking in the bedroom when Bella comes in.

"I was really tired." She tells me.

"You do a lot baby; you can sleep as much as you want this week. What do you want to do tonight? I'm going to make mac and cheese and buffalo chicken for dinner. Then we can hang out here or at the beach. Whatever you want. This week is for you."

"I just want to hang out here with you tonight, I just want to lie in your arms and think about how good we are together, because we are good together. I know you're with me because you love me. I'm going to take a shower while you make dinner." She tells me kissing me.

I start dinner and look around at all the food. If Bella will actually give in and enjoy this week she will probably have a lot of fun with all this stuff. She doesn't really enjoy cooking anymore because the kids complain so much so she sticks to really simple kid friendly things for the most part. They still complain, especially Kylie.

I wonder if things like this are part of the problem. She used to love to cook but she gave it up but they made it not fun. Other than that she never really had any hobbies, I mean when she was 16 her hobby was drinking in the woods and pissing off me and Quil, then she from that to taking care of Carson and Sam. She likes to read but other than that she pretty much does what the kids want to do. Maybe that's why she doesn't know who she is; she never really got to figure it out.

She was so young when it happened. After her shower she comes down and she already looks more rested. I make her a plate and we sit down to eat.

"I'm going to cook a lot this week, it will be nice being able to cook and eat without all the complaining." She tells me.

"You're going to start cooking whatever you want at home baby, if they kids don't like it they can just not eat. Kylie is entirely too picky and I have a feeling Carson and Bren only complain because of Kylie." I tell her.

"Kylie will starve to death, she's already so tiny." She argues.

"Baby, you eat like a normal person and you're tiny. She's supposed to be tiny, and she won't starve to death and if it doesn't work we will figure out something else. I just don't think you should always have to make them whatever they want."

She agrees to try it.

"I want you to be able to be you without always putting the kids or even me first. Think about this… if you could do anything you wanted to do without worrying about time or money what would you want to do?" I ask her and she thinks about it.

"I don't really know." She admits.

"Well then, I want you to figure it out and then whatever it is, we will figure out a way for you to do it." I tell her and she smiles and says she will think about it.

After dinner we clean up together and she pulls me unto the balcony to watch the sunset.

"I used to watch the sunset all the time with Jake and Embry, until Edward kept me away from them when I let him. And he would never watch it with me, told me something that happens every day isn't worth his time. One night I got in a fight with Edward, and I was in my room crying when Jake came to my room and dragged me into the backyard and we laid there all night. Then he woke me up for the sunrise and told me how it was a new day and I could make anything out of it that I wanted. I think he was trying to tell me it was the perfect time to break up with Edward but I was so drawn to him. Anyways that day was the first time he hit me because I had slept with Jake and even though I knew it was wrong I convinced myself he was right. I think that's the reason I don't do a lot of the things I used to do, I mean we live in a small town so there isn't much to do anyways but everything I did I did with Jake and Embry or Emily or Edward. Jake and Embry used to take me hiking and skating and then we would end up at one of our houses. And me and Emily mostly just drank and then when she got pregnant we stopped that and we were so bored so we starting making the baby clothes and we baked a lot. She was awful at it though. And then with Edward we would do things in the city, movies, shopping which I hated because he always bought me these slutty clothes and when I would wear them and men would look at me he would get mad. I was a game to him." She's going on and on and I realize that even though I've none her and loved her for a long time now I really don't know the girl she was.

"You're a stronger person now." I tell her holding her close.

"I am. And I like the person I am now. I don't think I need some new hobby or something; I just want to do the little things like the cooking good food and this, watching the sunset. I've even been slacking on my store and I love doing that. The kids just take up so much time, and when they are in school I clean and grocery shop and I think I forgot how to be me."

"Remember how when Carson was little you had the bookstore and I had football and then Bren was born and we just added her to our thing but by time Kylie was born it kind of got pushed aside?" I ask her and she shakes her head yes.

"I think you need your thing without the kids and we need a thing together. And then once we have that as part of our routine maybe we can work on spending one on one time with the kids."

"Let's start surfing!" She says all excitedly.

"Yeah baby that sounds great except you hate going to the beach…"

"This is the new me. I want to start over, I'm not Bella the 16 year old and I don't want to be Bella, who is just a wife and mother. New me doesn't care about the scar." She sounds determined.

"OK then we can start tomorrow." I tell her and she smiles. She doesn't smile much anymore. Maybe she really did need some space.

"And I don't need a thing for myself, I'm going to start cooking food I like again and I'm going to refocus on my store." She tells me.

"OK but if you change your mind then let me know." She says she will and then lays back against me. "What about you, don't you need something of your own too?"

"Honestly no, taking care of you and the kids gave my life meaning, something I didn't have before. I can't even imagine where I would be if you hadn't come into my life and I don't want to. You're everything to me." I tell her kissing her.

Once it's dark outside we go in and make popcorn and settle on the couch to watch a movie. She falls asleep about half way through so I cover her up and move to the other couch.

I watch her sleep and think how beautiful she is and how lucky I am to have her. I really can't imagine where I would be without her. Before her I never imagined getting married or having kids but I love them all so much.


	30. Chapter 30

Paul's POV

The first morning of our vacation I wake up before Bella so I make breakfast and think about everything she told me last night. I know she's going to be OK and not because Sam told her either. I know she's going to be OK because I know her. She doesn't want to be dead; she loves our kids and me too much to do that. I think she's just lost and I am going to help her find herself, I just have a feeling it's going to be a completely different her in the end. And I am OK with that, there is nothing she could do or no one she could be that would make me stop loving her.

Just as I'm finishing up breakfast she comes up behind me and kisses my shoulder. I turn to see her and she's smiling and her eyes are sparkling.

"You look like you slept good." I tell her kissing her.

"I did but more than that I think just telling you how I really feel helped a lot too. I kind of felt bad for feeling the way I did and I don't like you to be upset with me but I always really knew you wouldn't be. Plus I'm super excited about cooking this week. So if you don't mind you can have breakfast because I like your breakfast but I'll make lunch and dinner."

"Sounds good baby, eat and get ready and we'll learn how to surf."

"Do you have any idea how to surf?" She asks and I tell her no but it can't be that hard.

"I used to spend hours watching Alex. He was always trying to get me to try but I always say it as giving in to my mom forcing me to go down there. Phil was always telling her to leave me alone and let me stay inside but she never listened."

After breakfast we head to the beach.

Bella is surprisingly good, apparently all the hours of watching Alex paid off. It takes me a little while to get the hang of it but I do OK. After what seems like forever we are both exhausted and we sit on the beach and just watch the rest of the world play.

"I love you Paul, thank you for forcing me into this trip." She tells me quietly.

"I love you too baby." I tell her kissing her head and she lies against me.

We sit there for a while before she decides she's going to go make lunch, I tell her I will be up soon. She runs off and I watch her until I can't see her anymore. Then I call Quil to tell him she seems to be doing good already and check on the kids. I talk to Brenna who is trying not to cry and I tell her I love her and we'll bring her back anything she wants. She asks for a cat. I tell her I should have specified not living but I will talk to mom. Of course knowing Bella we'll probably be going home with a cat.

I hear someone yell my name and I turn around and see Leah running towards me. Her and Bella hardly ever talk anymore, they kind of drifted apart I guess living so far apart and leading completely different lives.

"Where's Bella?" She asks excitedly.

"Making lunch, she's going to be so happy to see you."

"Are the kids here?" She asks.

"Nope, just us."

She asks where they are and I tell her with Quil and then we talk about everything new going on and I invite her and Alex to lunch. She runs back to get him and says they'll be there in 10 minutes.

When I walk in Bella asks how the kids are. I look at her funny and tell her they are fine but Brenna wants a cat.

"I don't see any reason to not a have a cat. They are old enough to take care of it and pets are great for learning responsibility. Oh it has to be a kitten, they are so adorable. Maybe a black one or maybe we can take them to them to the shelter and let them pick it out." Just like I thought.

There is a knock at the door and knowing it's Leah I tell Bella to go answer it.

"Leah!" She squeals and then Leah is squealing and Alex walks in laughing.

Bella serves lunch and then her and Leah are off in their own world talking about everything that's happened to them since Leah was down 3 years ago.

Alex and I go back to the beach while they stay up at the house.

"Leah misses her like crazy, I don't know why she doesn't call her more or visit her more. I have the money and Leah doesn't have to work, she helps me run my business but it's more out of boredom than necessity. Maybe seeing her will make her call her more. She misses Carson too and I know she feels bad she doesn't know the other two much."

"Bella misses her too but I think she thinks they don't really have much in common anymore but really they never did. I'm glad you're here, Bella has been in a weird place, seeing Leah will be good for her."

We hang out for the rest of the day at the beach and then back at their house.

It's dark outside when Leah comes home.

"I totally didn't mean to crash your vacation by stealing your wife for the day."

"She misses you Leah."

"I miss her too and I miss Carson a lot. We agreed to keep in touch more and I'm going to come visit more. I hate that I barely even know Brenna or Kylie. They sound adorable. We have to leave tomorrow so I won't steal her anymore."

"I don't mind you stealing her. She loves you." I tell her hugging her good bye and walking back to the house.

"I'm sorry I ignored you all day, but I made you dinner and cake." She tells me smiling.

"Don't be sorry, I'm glad you got to see Leah. You should keep up with her more."

"I know and I will. Our lives are just so different I was worried that maybe we wouldn't be able to talk like we used to but today it was like nothing had changed. I miss her. She's going to come down in a couple of months and stay with us for a couple of weeks. She really wants to get to know the kids."

The next day is pretty much the same with lots of surfing and eating.

She's taking a shower in the evening when Quil calls telling me Brenna is basically freaking out now and nothing is helping.

He hands me the phone and she is sobbing saying she misses us so much and she doesn't even want a cat she just wants us to come home right now. I tell her I love her and it's just a few more days. She tells me she's trying to be a big girl but she's so sad and it breaks my heart. I ask her to talk to Quil again and he comes back on the line.

I ask him if they want to bring the kids up here for the rest of the week and he says this week is supposed to be about Bella. Well Bella won't want to stay here once she knows how upset Bren is.

Then he tells me Taylor promised then they could all go to the amusement park the day after tomorrow but he will ask them what they would rather do and call me back.

10 minutes later he says he'll bring Brenna here but Carson and Kylie want to stay with Taylor which is fine with her. He'll leave tomorrow morning and be here early afternoonish.

Bella gets out of the shower and asks to talk to them. Quil tells them not to tell her, it's going to be a surprise. I almost tell her when she starts crying talking to Brenna but I don't.

"I want to go home." She demands as soon as she gets off the phone.

"We can't baby, we already have our return tickets."

"I don't care. Bren is miserable." She tells me crying.

"OK baby, OK. One more day though? We can leave the morning after tomorrow." She reluctantly agrees and I know I am going to have to keep her super busy tomorrow before they get here.

So the next morning we go out for breakfast and then we go shopping for souvenirs for the kids and then we surf for hours.

At lunch I tell her she should make taco salad knowing it's Brenna's favorite and she glares at me but does it anyways. Just as she pulls everything out there is a knock at the door and she throws some lettuce at me and goes to answer it.

"Mommy!" Brenna screams.

"Oh baby, I missed you!" Bella tells her and I can tell she's crying.

"I missed you too." Brenna tells her and they both come bouncing into the kitchen followed by Quil who has their stuff. I hug Brenna and then take him to his room and put Brenna's stuff in her room.

We get back down and Brenna is telling Bella about Carson and Kylie and the amusement park and how she didn't even want to go but Taylor was so excited about it and she didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Quil chuckles and tells me he could tell she didn't want to go and was going to probably keep her home with him anyways. He knows Brenna as well as he knows Bella. Brenna does not like crowds.

We make lunch and then talk about what we're going to do for the rest of our time here. We have 3 more days.

Bella asks Brenna what she wants to do and she says she doesn't care as long as it's with her.

The next day they spend all day swimming and cooking together, Brenna complains a lot of the food but she loves to cook and she will eat anything she helps cook even if she won't eat it if Bella made it by herself. Quil and I go fishing and we get home and watch a movie together and Brenna crashes on the couch.

The next day Bella tells me I should spend the day with Brenna so I take her to the aquarium.

"Do I still get a cat daddy?" She asks and I tell her probably because Bella was pretty excited about it.

I do miss spending time with them alone. I think this trip was good for all of us.

When it's time to go home Quil and Brenna have to take a slightly later flight but Bella promises her she will be home when she gets home.

We get home and she cries when she sees Carson and Kylie and they spend the next couple of hours telling them all about their week.

I know it's still not going to be completely easy, I'm going to have to make sure she takes the time for herself and that she puts herself first sometimes but things could definitely be much worse.


	31. Chapter 31

Bella's POV

Life has been good, almost too good so I'm not surprised when I wake up one night after I hear something and discover Carson trying to sneak into the house. He's 15, just about the time Emily started. It's so hard to imagine he's only a year away from being the age I was when I first started taking care of him. Mostly because I cannot imagine him taking care of an infant. He can barely take care of himself and in some ways I guess that's a good thing because it means that he's been taken care of. Neither Paul nor I was really taken care of growing up; we took care of a lot of things our kids don't have to. Sometimes I wonder if it's too much though so I've been trying to teach them things like how to do laundry and about money and for Carson how to cook, both of the girls love to cook. After our trip so many years ago Paul pretty much demanded that I cook whatever I want and they can eat or not. It was hard and when Kylie would go days without eating dinner I gave in so we compromised. If they didn't want to eat what I made they were welcome to make whatever they wanted as long as it wasn't junk. Kylie ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a couple of years until she gave in and started trying my food. Brenna and Carson gave in quickly.

Carson is stubborn and rebellious and madly in love. He's so much like Emily it scares me to death. Better her than Sam I guess though, at least she just got pregnant. I told him to make sure he always uses protection because I know telling him no just isn't going to work and I don't want to be raising my grandbaby at 32. He rolls his eyes and says he's not doing anything but we both know he's lying.

Brenna is just as much a handful with the temper that Paul had before he calmed down so much with me and the kids. She has a new boyfriend every week and she fights like crazy with her sister and brother. She loves animals and works part time at the shelter and brings home way to many creatures. We have 2 dogs, 3 cats and a bird. Paul tried locking her in her room but I told him that was only fair if we locked Carson in his room too. We fought about it and I won.

Kylie is my good kid. She has little interest in boys even though she is still very much into cheerleading and the boys have lots of interest in her. She studies and reads in her free time. She tutors younger kids too.

So Carson is sneaking in and when he sees me he's says shit and tries to go to his room. But I am so over this and I am not letting teen pregnancy history repeat itself.

"You're grounded Carson and we're going to install an alarm system, one that only me and dad can control. And once you are ungrounded you and Bren both are allowed on groups dates only and if I find out you've done any different then it will be reduced to you can only be here with your friends. It's a small town and I am not stupid. I get it, I do but that doesn't mean I am going to let you do the things I did because who knows where I would had ended up if not for you." I tell him.

"That's not fair! What about Kylie?" He yells and I tell him he better stop yelling right now.

"Um really Carson? What about Kylie? Kylie can go read her books anywhere she wants." I tell him.

"She has a boyfriend."

"And what do they do together?" I ask him.

"Study." He reluctantly admits.

"Carson I don't think it's fair to punish Kylie for you and Bren's actions."

Paul walks down the stairs and looks at me and then looks at Carson.

"I'm only allowed to go out in groups or have people over here now." He tells Paul and Paul looks at me. I shake my head yes and tell him Brenna too.

"But not Kylie." Carson adds.

"Um, all Kylie does is read." Paul tells him like that's the dumbest argument ever.

Paul tells Carson to go to bed.

"That's a little harsh don't you think baby, they're just kids doing what kids do."

"Do you want him to get someone pregnant or for Bren to get pregnant?" I ask him seriously.

"Well no but…"

"We have 3 kids that were all unexpected pregnancies Paul, it's not like it's a rare thing. I love them all and I'm more than thankful for them and I hope one day they all have kids but not now, not any time soon and clearly neither of them are paying any attention to us. Please don't argue with me over this." He thinks about it and says fine.

Brenna of course flips out the next day and I send Paul to get and install our new alarm system.

The next few years are hard as they rebel and finally get that the only way to freedom is to earn my trust but all 3 of them manage to graduate high school without getting pregnant or getting anyone else pregnant. Carson and Bren go to college and graduate and end up with awesome jobs. Kylie got married to the boy she dated in high school and stays home with her babies.

Sometimes I can't believe they all ended up OK. I didn't screw any of them up.

Once Kylie moves out I have to figure out who I am all over again but it's not that hard this time. I am their mother and I am his wife. I am the girl who lost everything and started over and ended up being stronger than ever. My online store for custom made baby clothes turned into an actual store selling everything from baby clothes to wedding dresses.

Taylor works with me and Quil is a high school counselor all while raising their two kids. Leah and Alex never did have kids but they visit often and are very close to mine and Quil's kids.

It took me a long time to get over losing everyone that day in the diner and an ever longer time to accept the fact that the life I have probably wouldn't have happened had the diner accident not happened but somewhere along the way I realized it didn't matter.

Paul is the most wonderful man I could have ever hoped to spend my life with and we have three beautiful kids. I know one day I will see my dad and Emily and Jacob and Embry and Sam and I know that they will be happy for the life I have.

_The End_

Thank you so much for the reviews on this story! I am so happy that it got over a 100!


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